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IELTS Task 1 (Practice) - The Proportion of Tourists Visited Four Different Attractions in Brighton


pebzna12 13 / 24 9  
May 14, 2016   #1
Hello guys, here is my very first post in this site. Your strong feedback will be very helpful for revising my writing, so please don't be hesitant to give it a bunch for me. Thanks a lot in advance.

Description:

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

Answer:

The line graph demonstrates the proportion of visitors who came to England to enjoy four distinctive attractions in Brighton during a thirty-year period between 1980 and 2010. Overall, the trend tended to differ for each attraction during the same period. While pavilion became the most favorable attraction to be visited in the past two decades (1990-2010), the least popular show had changed from pier (1980) to art gallery (2010).

Pavilion rose considerably from merely 25% in 1980 until hit a high of almost double (50%) in 1995. Yet, since henceforth, the percentage had fallen gradually to 30% in 2010 although it still at top. However, the festival that peaked at 30% in 1980 decreased slightly until 25% in 1995 before remaining stable at about 28% in the latest decade (2000-2010).

Meanwhile, pier and art gallery were exchanging position as the least favorable between 1980 and 2010. Both shared about 10% gap over the first two decades (1980-2000) and the last five year-period (2005-2010) before leveled in 2005 with 15% each. Interestingly, both had significant transition in different way. While pier inclined from 10% to above 20%, art gallery dropped dramatically from above 20+% to 10-% in those three decades (1980-2010).

(200 words)



Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
May 14, 2016   #2
Hy pebzna,

Here are some suggestion for the essay

Overall, while pavillion and art gallery showed a similar proportions in 1980, both attractions witnessed a reverse tendency over 30 years period.


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