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IELTS Task 1 (Practice) - The Ratio of the Highest Education Level of Women in 1945 and 1995


pebzna12 13 / 24 9  
May 15, 2016   #1
The pie chart displays the ratio of highest level of education of women in someland in 1945 and 1995. Overall, it is obviously seen that there was a significant transition among the proportion of highest level of education shared in 1955 compared to in 50 years earlier, especially in the most dominant one.

By 1995, the percentage of women who attended to university level dominated the whole proportion with 50%, a highly considerable upturn of 49% compared to 1945 with only 1%. Meanwhile, in 1945, the domination of the whole percentage was fairly shared between no schooling and third grade levels with 35% each. Surprisingly, those levels of education along with 6 years education dropped drastically to hit a low of 0% in 1995.

A gradual rise also happened in post graduate level that came up with the figure at 20% in 1995 while it had 0% in 1945. And so did the level of 12 years education that rose from 4%-20% during that half century period. However, the only level that the proportion remained stable in both years (1945 and 1955) was 9 years education with 10%.

(190 words)




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
May 15, 2016   #2
Febriyani, seems to me that you have many writing projects yesterday. This is good, as long as you keep giving your best effort to deliver a meaningful feedback towards other members' essays. Just avoid posting meaningless feedback, which usually consists of 1 sentence, or even shorter. However, concerning to your essay, I think some grammatical problems can be eradicated after several or many practices. This will make you aware that grammar is essential in IELTS, since grammar becomes one of the four crucial scoring criteria. Now, for a breakdown of your grammatical issues, you can see the descriptions below, with corrections and feedback applied.

- ...women in someland inbetween 1945 and 1995. (inaccurate preposition)
- Overall, it is obviously seen that, (comma needed) there was a significant...
- ...in 1955 compared to in 50 years earlier,...
- ByIn 1995, the percentage of women...
- ...dominated the whole proportion withat 50%,...
- ...grade levels withat 35% each.
- And so didIn addition/moreover/additionally, the level of 12 years education... (placing coordinating conjunction 'and' in the beginning of the sentence will make it less formal)

- ...was 9 years education withat roughly 10%.

There you are Febriyani, I hope you can follow through the corrections and mind the feedback that I have delivered to you.

Cheers :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
May 15, 2016   #3
Hi Fibriyani, below is my take on your analysis.

- the ratio of the highest level of
- education of women in some land in ( someland - two different words )
- proportion of the highest level of
- to in 50 years earlier, especially in the most dominant one( this phrase is not necessary) .

- ByIn 1995, the percentage of women
- who attended tothe university level
- upturnturn up of 49% compared
- shared between non schooling
- thosethis levels of education along
- with 6 years of education
- dropped drastically toand hit

- figure at 20% in 1995, ( don't forget your punctuation marks ) while
- 1945. Andand ( try not to start your sentence with the word "and") so did the
- level thatwhere the proportion

There you have it Fibriyani, I hope the corrections and insights above help in your revision.
Overall, your analysis is fairly written, a little polish on the construction of the sentence will help make it stronger.


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