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IELTS Task 1 (Practice) Results number of vistors to Ashdown Museum


yunana 3 / 6 3  
Jul 9, 2016   #1
The table compares the number of visitors to Ashdown Museum in terms of refurbishment during the year before and the year after. The charts give information about visitor satisfaction rates among five types of feeling.

Overall, visitors of before refurbishment are much more than those of after refurbishment. It increase 18,000 people.

Looking at the satisfaction pie chart, year before refurbishment, we can see that the numbers of dissatisfied and very dissatisfied are much more than those of satisfied and very satisfied. The majority of visitors are dissatisfied accounting for 40%. The second is visitors of satisfied with 30%.

Year of refurbishment, the majority of visitors are very satisfied and satisfied, with 35% and 40% respectively.
By contrast, the numbers of dissatisfied have fallen by 25%. Then the numbers of very dissatisfied are only 5%. It notices about that the numbers of no response remain 5%.

i66.tinypic.com/34pyxll.png

Ashkan1363 1 / 6  
Jul 9, 2016   #2
The charts give information about visitor satisfaction rates amongVs five types of feeling.

Overall, visitors of before prior refurbishment are much more than those of after refurbishment. (It increase 18,000 people.)not make sense.
The majority of visitors are dissatisfied accounting for 40%:40 percent of majority of visitors are dissatisfied
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 10, 2016   #3
Hi Yunana, first of all, welcome to EssayForum :) With regards to your essay, I would like to point out some of your weaknesses in order to strengthen your essay writing skill in the next practice. I hope you can follow through the detailed feedback below.

- If you only give the link of your picture, that would not be helpful. I think it is better to upload it here rather than only paste the link. Besides, picture will ease us in reading or checking your essay.

- 150 words minimum for task 1 is really crucial. Your essay was only 146 words. You need to add more information to fulfill the minimum words requirement. If you keep writing below 150 words, I am afraid this will badly damage your score.

- Instead of separating the first and the second paragraph, it is better for you to combine them. Starting from this sentence "The table compares..." to "... increase 18,000 people.". Well-developed paragraph is still better than underdeveloped paragraph.

- To make your paragraph well-structured, you need to make sure that each paragraph in your essay should have at least 3 sentences. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences or even 1 sentence per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system.

That's it Yunana, I hope my contributions above would be helpful towards your writing development. Good luck for the next practice :)
OP yunana 3 / 6 3  
Jul 12, 2016   #4
Can you teach me upload pictures on essay ? thanks
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 12, 2016   #5
I suppose the above question should be like this "Can you teach me how to upload pictures on an essay?". However, I think that uploading picture is not really difficult at all. It is almost the same as any other forums on the Internet. I hope that my easy-to-follow tutorial can help you in uploading a picture/graph/diagram, especially in relation to IELTS writing task 1.

1. Click "+Thread" button below search box on the top-right corner of the https://essayforum.com/ homepage,

2. Then, you can choose the proper writing categories. In this case, "writing feedback" is suggested for IELTS writing task 1,

3. Do not forget to write a proper title like what you have done previously,

4. You can see three types of buttons (Bold), (Italic), and (Strike) on the lower part of the current page,

5. Click on A transparent "attach image" button on the right side of (Strike) button.

6. Then, you can choose to add the #1 picture by clicking "Browse" button (maximum 2 pictures)

7. Choose the picture that you are going to upload, write your essay, and then click "start new thread" button.

Voila! Your image should be appeared on the new thread that you have created. I hope you can follow through the tutorial given. Good luck in writing a new IELTS writing task 1 (including picture).
Fadhilahumar91 61 / 73 6  
Aug 12, 2016   #6
Hi....

I hope you attach a picture of diagram, because i don't know about the data. Diagram can help to check your essay for reading task 1

Your paragraph very short so i suggest you to combine the second paragraph and third paragraph become one.

And i think you must enrich your essay because in IELTS task 1 you must use 150 minimum words and i think your essay not enough words

thank you
adip 12 / 13  
Aug 12, 2016   #7
this is my body paragraph

Such period of refurbishment, the dissatisfied proportion account for two-fifths of all the Ashdown museum visitor numbers, and even though it was becoming much more popular than others, in the different time witnessed a significant decline of less than a fifth. The people who visited the museum which felt complacent saw increase dramatically and peaked at more than a third than the previous chapter approximately 15%. Whereas, apparently same with the leader very dissatisfied representing a gradual decrease at a very samall number in the year after reconstruction.


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