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IELTS Task 2 (Practice) - Why Taking Part-time Job for Teenager are Beneficials?

pebzna12 13 / 24 9  
May 22, 2016   #1
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage-children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part time job.


Many argue that taking a part-time job becomes one of the most effective ways for young adult to prepare for their future life. In addition, it is believed that parents should play the role to motivate them for doing so. Therefore, I strongly believe that it is crucial for teenagers to go through that experience of being part-time worker as preparation to welcome their upcoming life due to several reasons.

Firstly, experiencing part-time job will help the juvenile to adjust with the adulthood process. Being adult is an unavoidable matter that will be experienced by human being as the time goes by. Heading towards adulthood means possessing more responsibility that primarily indicated by working. Thus, by working earlier since their youth, people have offered the opportunities to deal with such working situations that they will encounter in the future. For example, we will introduce to such experience as how to be a good-model employee, how to handle certain works, and how to begin networking, both with colleagues and clients.

Similarly, starting to be part-time worker will help youngster to be independent economically. Working part-time will make it possible for them to earn money by their own. Although the amounts will not that much as experienced workers, still they have their own salary. Consequently, they can start providing things for themselves by using their own wealth, and stop being fully dependent in economic matter to their parents. However, having an economical independence since young age has potential risk to create a new-hedonist generation. Despite of that unwilling effect, being independent economically still provides another benefit like financial management skill that leads them to use money wisely.

To sum up, it is evident that experiencing to be an employee in such a young age will be precious for young generation in order to get ready to enter their adulthood. Therefore, it is important for people around the youngsters, especially parents, to encourage them to surpass that kind of experience.

(328 words)
UvyL26 5 / 8  
May 23, 2016   #2
Hi @Pepzna12

I think that the writing will be better if you put the full question in your tread for example both views+your opinion or to what extant do yo agree? or causes and solution. It will make me understand whether your writing has answered the task or not.

but it is okay, I try to give some comments for this writing:
1. I am not sure between teenage-children and young adult . Its seem similar but is not clear. Teenager means a young person between 13 and 19 years old (cambridge dict) and adult means a person or animal that has grown to full size and strength (cambridge dict).

2. avoid 'things' to use in your writing task ------ an start providing things for ..... 'things' means referring to, the reader does not know.
3. It will be better if your conclusion mention about the effect if parents give support to teenage-children to take job.

Good luck!
Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
May 23, 2016   #3
Hy, Febry.
I would like to give some suggestions :)

... effective ways for young adult to prepare for their future life.
... teenagers to go through that experience of being a part-time worker as ...

Firstly, (I shouldn't be place here, you can use "admittedly")experiencing part-time job will ...

SimilarlyIn addition , starting to be a part-time worker will ...

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