Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


IELTS TASK 1: Practice test - purpose and destination of visit abroad by UK residents


ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Aug 14, 2016   #1
The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destination over the same period.

The provided tables show the information about the intention and destinations of Britain people traveling abroad during five years. Overall, most people went to holiday abroad and the most popular destination was Western Europe.

The first table reveals that visiting abroad for holiday was the most common plan because from 1994 it was accounted for around 15,000 persons and up to 2,000 persons in 1998. Other intent was to go to work and to visit colleagues that were made for around 2,000 to 3,000 persons in that periode. While for uncertain purpose was considered as the least for just around 1,000 persons for the given time.

In the similar way, the number of visitors were increased that was about 19,000 travelers in 1994 and for more than 24,000 travelers in 1998. Meanwhile Western Europe was more famous than North America. It compared 20 : 1.

In conclusion, the greatest number of travelers from the great Britain visited Western Europe to enjoy vacation and in the fact it increased from 1994 to 1998.



Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 14, 2016   #2
Hi Eka,

I think you should do grouping more and use comparative sentence so people who read your essay can understand well, for example :
Visiting friends and relatives had lower number of people than business but had higher number than uncertain purpose in each year.

You already give the overview in the first paragraph so i think you don't need to make a conclusion and your overview and conclusion have the same meaning.

Thank you. Hopefully it helps.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Practice test - purpose and destination of visit abroad by UK residents
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳