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Writing Practice: USA Summer Camp job application (Need Correction)


Wilson_Chen 2 / 2  
Jul 17, 2016   #1
Title and Content:You see this advertisement for a job in the USA.

USA SUMMER CAMPS

People of all ages needed to work in summer camps all over the USA.

If you can speak English and you are cheerful, energetic and hardworking, you are the right person for us. Food and accommodation are provided. You just pay the air fare.

You will:

look after children aged 8-12
help organise sports and evening activities
work in the kitchens
Write telling us about yourself and why you think you would be a suitable person for the job.

Write your letter of application. Do not write any postal addresses.
My Essay:
I'm a student in college from Taiwan, Taipei. In order to enrich my lives, I always look for the activities that are meaningful, such as the summer camp in my faculty, the orientation camp. So I'm a fan of join different kinds of extracurricular activities. I think I'm enthusiastic enough to take part in the USA SUMMER CAMPS, not only because I am very fond of American culture, but also I have a lot of experience about holding activities. I believe that the experience will cause me to give good idea when planning the activities. Otherwise since I've been to US for twice, I know how to get used to the daily works and the people there, then I can soon get on track. My favorite sport is basketball, and it's definitely very popular in the US, I think I can teach some basic technique and training, since the children aged 8-12 are in the meridian of grow-up process, sports are indispensable. I know some about how to cook but I'm not a master hand, I may work in the kitchens that I sometimes couldn't give a hand, at least I wouldn't mess up the work. And the last, I think I can speak and interact with the children with no problem, my English may not be excellent, but I'll try my best to communicate!

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ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 17, 2016   #2
Hi Wilson, please find my feedback below.

- I'mI am a student in collegecollege student from Taiwan, Taipei.
- In order to enrich my liveslife , I always look for the activities that are meaningfulvarious meaningful activities , such as the summer camp in my faculty, particularly the orientation camp.

- SoThus,I'mI amreally enjoyed/pleased toa fan of join different kinds of extracurricular activities.
- I think I'm enthusiastic enoughI am adequately enthusiastic to take part in the USA SUMMER CAMPS, not only because I am very fond of American culture, but also I have a lot of experience about holding similar activities.

- I believe that the experience will causeenable me to giveconvey good idea when planning the activities.
- Furthermore, I have been traveled to the USA twice.(stop, new sentence)Otherwise since I've been to US for twiceHence, I know how to get used to the daily worksroutines and the people there, then I can soonimmediately get on track.

- My favorite sport is basketballBasketball is the most favorite sport of mine , and it'sit isdefinitelyundoubtedly very popular in the US. (stop, new sentence) I think I can teach some basic technique and training (no comma) since the children aged 8-12...

- I know some about how to cookcooking techniques but I'mI am not a master hand, I mayam pretty sure that I am going to be adequately suited to work in the kitchens that I sometimes couldn't give a hand , at least I wouldn'twill not mess up the work.

- And the lastFinally,I think I have no problem in interacting with children in generalcan speak and interact with the children with no problem , my English may not be excellentperfect , but I'llI will try my best to communicate!

I hope this helps. Good luck in revising this letter. Please do let me know if you need further assistance :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Jul 18, 2016   #3
Hi Wilson, please find find additional help below;

- I'm a College student in college from Taiwan,
- my liveslife ,
- I always look for the activities that
- faculty,as well as the orientation camp.
- So I'm a fan ofTherefore, I am keen in joining
- join different kinds
- I think I'm enthusiastic enoughbelieve, I can effectivelyto take part
- but also because I have a
- Otherwise sinceMoreover, I've been
- to the US for twice,
- used to the daily works

There you have it Wilson, I hope you are able to follow through with the corrections and modifications made for your essay. Do let us know should you need further assistance.


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