(Ielts practicing) - It is common to leave home countries to study at universities abroad

This is my Ielts essay, please help me check it in grammar, structure, ideas and use of words. Thanks

It is become increasingly common for students to leave their home countries to study at universities abroad.
Why is this happening?
What are the consequences of this phenomenon?

In recent years the quantity of students studying oversea has gone up dramatically the world over. This essay will analyze some significant causes as well as effects of this trend.

Firstly, one underlying cause of this phenomenon is for better courses. Prestigious universities employ teachers who are experts in their fields; therefore, educatees can learn more effectively knowledge and have open minds. Take Vietnam for example, a lot of big companies there ask people applying for jobs to have foreign bachelors and the reasons are given out that abroad learners from developed countries have wider experiences than others. As a consequence, students with qualifications gained abroad can open the door to better job opportunities.

Secondly, another reason is cited by many parents that studying and living abroad improve personality especially with independence and responsibility. No one can deny the fact that studying at oversea universities is difficult for most of students. For example, a student studying in a foreign school would have a lot of problems such as cooking for themselves, cleaning and paying bills to name a few, so he or she has to face these problems by themselves. Although they are not insurmountable, a few will give up and come back their home countries without any certificates while others will be taught to be independent and take responsibility for what they do.

Thirdly, last reason is pointed to the fact that complex cultures have become an acute problem in many international companies and that is nearly the same as what oversea students have to face in times they are living in foreign countries. As a result, after finishing studying, learners will get another ability which help them deal with this problem.

In conclusion, although studying abroad is costly, this can be overshadowed by its advantages. For the benefit of our children and future generations, it is necessary that we understand this matter and make proper decisions to create the best future possible.

The number of students studying abroad has risen significantly in the past few years.


... This sentence is too long. Try to break it down.
Many big companies in Vietnam requires a foreign bachelor degree from their employees. This is due to the belief that the foreign educated students are more experienced than others.

You have good points. This is a good essay. :)

thank for your correction pahan !! Hope you have a good day !!

Hi,
Please find some of my comments below. hope it would help.

Thirdly, last reason is pointed to the fact that complex cultures have become an acute problem in many international companies and that is nearly the same as what oversea students have to face in times during the time they are living in foreign countries. As a resulttherefore , after finishing studying, learners will get another vital ability which help them to deal with this problem in the future .

In conclusion, although studying abroad is costly,i firmly beleive that this can be overshadowed by its advantages. For the benefit of our children and future generations, it is necessary that we understand this matter and make proper decisions to create the best future possible.

Regards

@dumi : thanks your appreciation , this forum gives me opportunities to improve my skill

hi hungdv : wow your correction is awesome, thank you so much
I have some question for you : are you a teacher ?? can I have your yahoo or anything to contract you ?? Actually, I want to learn more about how to use words correctly, i am going to take Ielts, can you help me ?? Or just suggest me some helpful word lists ?? Ah, I am Vietnamese, I saw an example in your essay about Vietnam, are you Vietnamese ??