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IELTS TASK 1 : The precentages of library books read at Starmouth School


aryaayra 7 / 19 2  
Apr 18, 2014   #1
Helloooo Fellas.... I need your contribution comments about my writing presentation below..

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The figure shows information concerning how many library books students read, during 3 years from 2009 to 2012 at Starmouth School.

From the graph, there were tendencies between boys and girls. Started from the boys, they rose gradually from 2009 to 2011 from about 50 to 100. Continued decreased slightly at 80 books as the end of the number of books read by boys in 2012.

Move to another trend, the number of schoolgirls increased stably between 2009 and 2011 below 30 to 40. Then, climbed dramatically sharp 250% from the previous point of the number books read during two years in 2010. It reached a peak at 140 books as the top of books reader among them.

There was an interesting point where in 2011 boys and girls met on the same number at 100 books, but for the girls kept on climb whereas the boys felt down.

All in all, it can be concluded that interest for reading books in library by Starmouth pupils was show more increase on girls than boys that ended in 2012.




eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 18, 2014   #2
Started from the boys, they rose gradually from 2009 to 2011 from about 50 to 100.

a problem with Dangling particle. Visit this link: usu.edu/markdamen/writingguide/10dangpt.htm

Continued decreased slightly at 80 books as the end of the number of books read by boys in 2012.

a problem with Sentence fragments. Visit this link: owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/620/1/

Move to another trend, the number of schoolgirls increased stably between 2009 and 2011 below 30 to 40

Bad grammar :(

It reached

Faulty Pronoun-Antecedent Agreement

A brief note to remember:Your score will immediately drop if you do not have an overview.


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