thanks for your correction. I really appreciate you can point out the mistakes.
Toefl Topic: Some people prefer to get up early in the morning and start the day`s work. Others prefer to get up later in the day and work until late at night. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice
Nothing is more crucial than choosing appropriate time starting and enjoying the daily work. Many people prefer to get up later and work at nighttime as an individual routine. Others incline to get up early and work at daytime. Were I to offer my choice, I would not hesitate a moment to say that I favor the former side, that is, beginning everyday work early. The following writing will clarify some of my points of view.
As the saying goes, a health body is the asset of work. Undoubtedly, only keeping health could guarantee people to devote enough energy to work. Getting up early, in this way, is surly a healthy habit because I have the chance to work out in the morning. In addition, the flesh air, sounding birds as well as the well-planted trees, as you imagine, give me the comfortable mood to start my daily work. Consequently, the energetic body and smooth mood, which last the entire day, truly benefit my work.
Also, working at daytime provides a much more efficient way of life. We can not deny that working during night avoids you many needless annoying disturbance such as noise or phones, but we have to admit you can use most of the utilities to complete your assignment. For instance, you could read the newest news just happened. What is more, many government departments and malls only open at daytime. So if you need to some application of the government or buy some certain stuff, working at daytime is a convenient way, not mention to the all-directions transportation.
Not only the variety convenience but also the opportunities of communication with friends and colleagues will make your work perfect. We have to admit that most of people have a regular job at daytime. So, if your work requires some necessary communication or cooperation, people would likely be available to be found and asked for help. Working at night, on the other hand, may keep you away from the company with co-workers, which benefit nothing for your job.
In conclusion, the preference of getting up early and working in the day can guarantee people's healthy, provides more convenient way to work and promote communication with colleagues and friends. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, that is a much better lifestyle than getting up later and working at nighttime.
In the first supporting paragraph, you use the the fisrt-person pronoun (I)
In the second and the third supporting paragraph you use the the first- and the second-person pronoun (we and you), and sometimes you talk about people generally.
I think your pronounces should be consistent. you should not shift your point of view unnecessarily.
I hope this will help.
Others are inclined to get up ...
When you use 'incline' it should be like this: "inclined to"
example: I am inclined to agree.
early and work at daytime. Were I to offer my choice, I would not hesitate a moment to say that I favor the
former latter side, that is, beginning everyday work early. ----- I changed it to latter, because the former view (the one you explained first) was about getting up late.
In addition, the
flesh fresh air, sounds of birds as well as the well-planted trees, as you imagine, give me the ...
working during night enables you to avoid many needless annoying disturbances such as
noise construction or phones, but we have to admit...
We have to admit that --- you use this phrase too many times! :-)
... can guarantee people's health , provide more convenient way to work and promote communication with colleagues and friends. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, that is a much better lifestyle than getting up later and working at nighttime.--- very good ending!!!