TOEFL, writing section, Independent essay.
Do you prefer to eat out or at home
People can only improve and experience a convenient life in a big city. Personally speaking, I postulate that living in big city is better than living in a small town. Because in a big city there are public transportation, different people and everything is available.
Firstly, public transportation is cheap and good for every kind of people. As far as I am an engineer with now income, I can't buy a car to go to my office. Every day I use public transportation to go to office and come back for only five Afs. If I live in a small town there are no any kind of public transportation. The one who live in small town must have a car to go to work or for purchasing in bazaar. Cars need oil and it costs a lot for the individual. Moreover, children can use public transportation to go to school and come back to home without any cooperation from their families. Therefore, living in a big city is good for everyone.
Additionally, in big cities there are different people with different cultures. As far as in big cities more people live, they are from different places. If I live in a big city I can experience relationship with different people and make friends from variety of cultures. Also, I can learn more things from people in the city. On the other hand, in a small town there are a few people with the same culture. Every day I will see repeated faces and it is boring for me. I can't learn anything from a small town, so, I will not experience more things and improve in a small town.
Finally, in a big city there are more facilities which we need. In a big city I can find more and different facilities such as restaurants, museums, parks and concerts. If I live in a big city I can go to nearby restaurant and serf a lunch with my friend while in a small town I have to cook at home. Also, people can go to their favorite concerts and enjoy their free times. On the other hand, at weekends I can go to parks and museums with my family and children to spend my free time. In a small town there are no restaurant, museum, park and concert, so, people don't enjoy their life because everything is repeated.
All in one, I prefer to live in a big city because there is more convenience than living in a small town. If I live in a big city I can use my free time being in parks museums and concerts. Moreover, by using public transportation I can save the money and see different people in the city.Personally speaking, I postulate ... I think you should change some sentences like these; for instance this sentence could be changed to:
For many a big city is more appealing and meets the needs of many far easier than a small town can. Cities such as New York, Los Angles, and even Houston offer its inhabitants pubic transportation, and a diversity of cultures, while also having necessities readily available things that small towns might not be able to provide.
Hi naseernasrati,
Here are some suggestions to your essay:
1. Your opinions are too absolute. Try to use words like "may" or "might" to soften the tone of your essay. Also, the word "postulate" in your second sentence is used a bit awkwardly. Instead of saying I postulate that living in ... --> "Personally, living in a big city is preferable as it provides a more desirable lifestyle"
2. The third sentence of your essay --> never start a sentence with "because".
3. The transitional words in the beginning of all paragraphs are used a bit awkwardly. Also, the thesis statement in the introduction paragraph should include all main points of this essay.
4. The whole essay is written in a monotone. Try to add more description of big cities vs. small cities and make your essay more interesting :)
Good luck with your Language test :))
