I will examine both sides of the argument and give my opinion
Some prefer online courses to study and they think it is better. Others prefer classroom education. Discuss both views and share your opinion.
In the modern era, doing online course or receiving classroom education have become a highly controversial issue. There are those who feel that taking online course is better than receiving classroom education however other believe otherwise. In this essay I will examine both sides of compelling argument and provide my overall opinion.
From an overall perspective, there are two primary reasons why people believe strongly that taking online course is more beneficial than attending a class in person. Perhaps the cogent reason why people are in favour of this notion is because online course saves money. This is because students do not have to pay for travel. For a particular example, a Vietnamese student taking English lesson does not have to travel a long way to UK, which means money saving. A further point in particularly favour this idea is that students can study anytime. For a classic instance, a student can study during 1-hour break time at work. Unlike in the dim and distant past when the Internet was not available, students nowadays can meet their online teachers at midnight.
Despite these strong arguments, there is also a case for the idea that classroom education is better than Internet-based course. Perhaps the sound reason why people are in favour of this idea is that students can sharpen social skills in class. An excellent illustration of this is that a student, who is having argument with other student over a heated issue, learns how to supress black anger. A further point in greatly favour of this notion is that in classroom education student acquires critical thinking skills. For a typical example, during a debate, students have to formulate solid reasons.
In conclusion, having considered both sides of argument, I would have to say that online course is advantageous for students with limited time availability and geography restrictions and classroom education for social skills development and critical thinking training. If a student could take both online course and classroom education, he would be a more successful student.
there are some repetition of words that you should consider to use other synonyms or different ways of expression. The arguments are not strong enough I suppose. You should give more explanations or examples to better illustrate your points. For example, with the first argument, u can say: The preference of taking correspondence courses might be attributed to the less expenses students have to pay for their study. For instance, ...
... reasons why people STRONGLY BELIEVE that taking ... because online courseS save money. ... to pay for travelLING. .... long way to THE UK, which means money saving (REDUCE THE EXPENSES...).
... Internet-based courseS.
with other studentS over ...
studentS MIGHT acquire ...
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Dewa, your essay could use stronger adjectives in its presentation. Rather than using the term "strong arguments", try to win the reader over to the existing side of the discussion by using more convincing adjectives other than strong. Words like convincing, compelling, and persuasive in reference to the term "arguments" offer a more authoritative support for your discussion presentation. It also shows a less common vocabulary usage which could help to increase your LR score.
Don't present uncertain thoughts such as "Perhaps the sound reason..." Use conviction at all times to create a strong TA representation. Use the phrase; "The sound reason..." to offer a clear understanding of what you want to say. Since you are speaking for one side of the discussion, you cannot be uncertain when representing the thoughts of others. You need to present it in a manner that the supporter would by using convincing representations of the statement. By the way, know when to use "a" and "an". When the next word starts with a vowel such as "for example", "an" is the indefinite article to be used.
Please always remind yourself that your paragraph sentence presentation can only be between 3-5 sentences. So do not over-discuss a paragraph by trying to use 2 reasons in one paragraph. For this type of essay, you have 3 reasoning paragraphs to use. 2 for the public points of view and one for your personal opinion. The personal opinion cannot be the concluding paragraph of the essay. The personal opinion is always one of the 3 reasoning paragraphs. The conclusion is known as the concluding summary which should merely reiterate the presented discussion topics, its reasons, and your personal opinion, as a reminder to the examiner who by then, should be ready to grade your essay.
Overall you had a good approach to this essay for a first timer. You had some missteps but that is to be expected when one first writes this type of essay. With enough practice runs, you should be able to overcome these minor difficulties and start scoring in the 5.5 and above range in no time. I look forward to guiding you towards at least a 7.5 for your actual test score.