Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

TOEFL: Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place


linh202 11 / 23  
Jul 21, 2011   #1
Hi everyone,
Could you help me check my essay, please?

Some people spend their entire lives in one place. Others move a number of times throughout their lives, looking for a better job, house, community, or even climate. Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Many people desire to have stable jobs and inhabit in one place, even they do not want to challenge them or try something novel. From my perspective, those people are too monotonous and conservative. I am identical to move in search of various places instead of living in the same environment throughout my life owing to three crucial reasons.

First and foremost, living in different places can broaden your horizon which are unable to learn from books or in your own country. You have opportunity to understand the culture, convention and also tradition of your present whereabouts. Like traveling, but the most varied thing is that you certainly make up your mind to live there in a long time. Furthermore, when you live in another country, you must speak and use its language fluently in order to communicate and work. Somebody hypothesizes that this is the greatest obstacles to overcome, but actually, these difficulties constrain you to study new language. For example, my sister used to live in France five years ago and now she inhabits in Spain. Therefore, many enterprises offer her a high position because of her ability to speak different languages.

Admittedly, living with diverse communities with different races and ethnics enables you to change your life style. People from each nation have their own characteristics which have a tremendous influence on you. For instance, I used to live in Japan in three months with my Japanese friends. I have accumulated lots of rewarding knowledge and experience. I implicitly admire their seriousness, punctuality and courteous behavior that are extremely different from my home country. Since that trip, I have become a better person and lived responsibly. What's more, making acquaintance with various people helps you open your relationship and sympathize with ones who have miserable situations or misfortune.

Last but not least, looking for a new place assists you to find a decent job and possibly gain promotion. Definitely, working for a company in developed country will give you high salary and chance of discovering the professional style of working and having access to perfect facilities. That is the reason why many youngsters in my country desire to move to a more civilized country. Besides, some countries are renowned for their specific fields and majors such as technology in Japan, petroleum in Iraq or car manufacture in Germany. Those places motivate you to express your creativity and they are suitable for what you have learned at college.

In a nutshell, expanding eyesight, living with various people and having a bright career derive me to make preference to live in other places. If you detest boredom and tiredness of viewing the same scenery around your house, I suggest you had better agree with my idea.

ghafarimahsa 15 / 41  
Jul 21, 2011   #2
I really like the way you support your sentences, I would like to know if you write this essay in 30 minutes or not.
Besides, I found some mistakes that are mentioned below.

(identical to = similar to)
I am identical to I support the idea that, move in search for various places instead of living in the same environment throughout my life owing to three crucial reasons.

irst and foremost, living in different places can broadens your horizons (WOOOOW, This expression is so nice) which is unable to learn from books or in your own country.

You will take opportunity to ....
Somebody hypothesizes that this is the greatest obstacles to overcome, but actually, these difficulties constrainmake you to study new language
(constrain s.th = to lidemit s.th)

GOOOOOOL LUCK,


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place