Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

TOEFL - Prefer to work for a large company; good material rewards


wing 1 / 1  
May 22, 2009   #1
Most of us have to choose working in a big company or a small company. There are clearly benefits of each, if you choose a big company, you will learn more knowledge and experience. On the contrary, a small one would give you more chances to promot. Personally, I would prefer to work in a large company because I think working in a big company has more advantages.

To begin with, working in a large company is enable me to get more learning opportunities. Take my own personal experience as an example. After I graduated from university, I have worked in a big company for one year. During the one year, I learned many professional knowledge of my work from my company in which I could meet different people most of whom are talents,experts in this field. Taking several trainings I have more chances to communicate with them which could increase my experience and knowledge even the specific skills. These fascinating opportunities will be benefit me in my whole life no matter where I work in.

Another reason I prefer to work in a big company is that it could offer good material rewards. For instance, my friend Garald,who works in a big company as a department manager, gets generous pay and benefits package. There is no doubt that it is easier form him to support his family and maintain relationship with other people. more importantly, he could have a chance to take advanced training to improve his ability. So beneficial that people who work in a big company would acquire appreciation and approval from society. However, we can not deny the benefit when working in a small company that we could get along well with each of companions and more opportunities to get promote in a short time.

To conclude, considerable working in a small company ,they can not compete with the benefits that working in a big one, which could get learning opportunities and material rewards to support their families. Only people realize their values that engage in the career with more passion will acceptable by the society.

Thanks for pointing out the mistake. Thank you so much~

Indian 3 / 8  
May 22, 2009   #2
I think your essay is good enough but there are lot of " run-on-sentenses".
For example,
1.During the one year, I learned many professional knowledge of my work from my company in which I could meet different people most of whom are talents,experts in this field.

2.To conclude, considerable working in a small company ,they can not compete with the benefits that working in a big one, which could get learning opportunities and material rewards to support their families.

To fix it you can try making smaller sentences.

There are few typing errors as well which I think you can avoid by proofreading.

Good luck for the test.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
May 22, 2009   #3
...a small one would give you more chances for promotion .

During that single year, I acquired much professional knowledge -- knowledge of my work from my company, in which I could meet a myriad of people. Most of them are talented experts in this field.

These fascinating opportunities will be benefit me throughout my whole life no matter where I work in .

Most of your writing is excellent! A few mistakes... but you will pass the test, for sure.

This part has errors, though:

To conclude, the benefits of working in a small company cannot compete with the benefits that working in a big one, which could involve learning opportunities and material rewards to support their families.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
May 24, 2009   #4
There are clearly benefits of each, if you choose a big company, you will learn more knowledge and experience. On the contrary, a small one would give you more chances to promot.

This part contains an error involving the use of the phrase "on the contrary." You should only use the phrase when directly contradicting what has just been said. So, you could say

Some say that, if you choose to work for a big company, you will gain more knowledge and experience. On the contrary, working for a small company can actually teach you a lot more than you would ever learn with a large firm.

I don't know if that's what you mean, though. You might just want to go with "on the other hand," like this:

"There are clearly benefits to each. If you choose to work for a big company, you will gain more knowledge and experience. On the other hand, if you choose to work for a small firm, you will have a greater chance of being promoted."

If you go with this construction, note the parallel structure between sentences.
OP wing 1 / 1  
May 27, 2009   #5
I'm so appreciate for all your advices. Thanks very much!
bon 3 / 5  
Jun 6, 2009   #6
This is a familiar topic. Your conclusion can begin with In general, In conclusion, In Summary... instead of To conclude. Good luck!
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jun 6, 2009   #7
Actually, it is generally a good idea to avoid labeling your conclusion with one of those phrases. It should be obvious from the way you write your final paragraph that it is a conclusion. If it isn't, then adding a label isn't going to fix the problem.


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Prefer to work for a large company; good material rewards