SAT prep essay about materialism

Please critique my practice SAT essay.
Thanks for your help.

Prompt: Should modern society be criticized for being materialistic?

Materialism should be scorned. Modern society has taken materialism to extremes previously unimaginable. Increasing materialism in today's world is causing worldwide debt and deprivation.

One example of the debt problems being caused by materialism is the increasing number of in debt Americans. The average American earns ten percent more money than the average American of 30 years ago. Even with this increase in income, today's American is nearly twice as likely to be in debt as an American living 30 years ago. Why is that? America's increasingly materialistic mindset has caused many Americans to spend more money than ever on consumer goods.

Deprivation is another common result of a materialistic mindset. While countries America and England enjoy relative wealth, other countries like Africa have an absolute poverty rate of over twenty-five percent in some areas. America and England have become so materialistic that they have established appalling trade relations with poor countries like Africa. The clothing industry is a prime example. African workers are paid half of what an American or English worker would be paid. The clothing goods produced by these poor African workers can then be sold to American and English consumers. Because of low production costs, and the American's and English's materialistic tendency, the clothing industry owners reap huge benefits. In this way, some countries' materialism leaves other countries in a shameful state of deprivation.

Modern society's materialsm has caused debt and deprivation in today's world, and it should be criticized. Some have touted money as the root of all evil, but perhaps we should now shift the blame to materialism.

Wow. I couldn't agree more. Very well written. Sorry I have no feedback, it was quite amazing. =)

While countries like America and England enjoy ...

Because of low production costs, and because of American and English materialistic tendencies, the clothing industry owners reap huge benefits.

In this way, some countries' materialism leaves other countries in a shameful state of deprivation.

Modern society's materialism has caused debt and deprivation in today's world, and it should be criticized.

Excellent job!
Some have touted money as the root of all evil, but perhaps we should now shift the blame to materialism.------->I wonder if you could come up with a last sentence that is even better than this one. To say that money is the rot of evil is sort of the SAME as saying materialism is the root of evil. I think you can come up with a better way to end this. It is, as Randy said, very well-written!!