IELTS Task2: Preserving traditional culture or not. We should not ignore it.

Question:
Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My Answer:
Traditional cultures are important to us in our lives, they were built by robust human connections many years ago. These customs and traditions are naturally handed down to be preserved. To me, they are symbolic evidence of human society.

Nowadays, with emerging new technology, people see that these traditions are not necessary to be preserved. Regarding the development pace of human society, while the traditional culture is generally too slow, the new technology is significantly too fast. To catch up with the change, people spend more time and energy on improving our society. On the other hand, some traditional customs can simply be completed through the internet in order to save more time. We benefit from these technologies and innovations to make our life better than ever.

However, we cannot forget the root where these traditional cultures come from. We should know that these traditions are originally from us the human beings. These customs are again built by the robust connections of societies. Even with such new social platforms (a.k.a. new technology) like WhatApps and FaceBook, the relationship between person to person cannot bring us together closer than in the past. We learn these cultures from history and create new things based on them too.

Although the new technology has been bringing us a more convenient life, we should not ignore the traditional cultures. Remember that all things come from history, and these customs, traditions, and cultures are the history left to us. I believe preserving them is the only way to create a better life.

The most glaring error in this task presentation is the first paragraph. The simple prompt restatement (2 sentences for 2 opinions) + personal opinion (one sentence) is not represented in the format required. The writer made the mistake of immediately discussing his personal opinion in this paragraph so this preliminary scoring aspect will definitely receive a failing score. This error alone is enough to fail the total essay, regardless of how well developed the next paragraphs are. The writer has shown a lack of understanding of the task requirements and the requirement for the presentation.

The total essay is based on the writer's opinion of the 2 points of view alone. The examiner is looking for the explanation / discussion of the validity of each public opinion based upon proper pronoun usage. So the reasoning paragraphs will be scored, but the overall essay will be considered under develeoped due to the improper discussion development, based on the multiple point of view format. Again, the essay will not receive passing marks based on this presentation.

The concluding summary is non-existent in this essay. Rather than a summarized discussion presentation, the writer continued to discuss reasons in the last paragraph. Which means, the essay does not have a chance of getting a passing score due to improper discussion presentations, missing references, and an inaccurate summary presentation.