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IELTS WRITING TASK 2: PRESERVING WILD ANIMALS IS VERY IMPORTANT


Red Moon 14 / 32 6  
Dec 1, 2018   #1
Wild animals have no place in the 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


MONEY FOR WILDLIFE PROTECTION



Despite more animals are under major threat due to human, some people think that it is a waste of time, effort and money to protect wild animals because they are of no use to human. I completely disagree with this opinion.

It appears to me that wild animals have contributed substantially to the ecosystem and human's life. Wild animals are a crucial part of a healthy ecosystem, because each animal has a unique place in the natural food chain. If an animal dies out, it will disturb the whole food chain and lead to disastrous consequences. For instance, as a result of large carnivores being poached, herbivores, which have no predators, will soar in number and move to agricultural lands to meet their growing food demand. In addition, for aesthetic values, wild animals beautify the Earth and their natural attractiveness has captured numerous people's heart, as shown in human's interest in wildlife safaris worldwide.

Because of their importance, in my opinion, it is not wasteful to spend national budget on protecting wild animals. One way of saving wild animals is preserving their natural habitats, which are also essential to human's survival. For example, forests, which are home to plenty of wild animals, help human prevent soil erosion and flooding as well as regulate the Earth's climate. Another method is building more wildlife sanctuaries, which provide not only a safe, secure environment for endangered species but also an attraction for nature lovers and a source of income for localities.

In conclusion, wildlife plays a great role in human's life, therefore it should be preserved.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,317 2867  
Dec 2, 2018   #2
Moon, you should be using the verb "being under major threat" instead of verb "are". This paragraph has a singular-plural problem as you refer to "human" in connection to "people". The proper plural reference "humans" must be used in connection with the term "people" which is the plural form of "person". The opening paragraph is also a run-on sentence. Please remember to split-up your paragraphs into short or medium length sentences for clarity and conciseness.

You cannot say that "It appears to me" because the proper phrase is "It appears to be that... " or the simpler "it appears that..." which both means you are delivering an impression of something. By saying "It appears that", you would be totally omitting a direct reference and keeping it general instead to avoid any confusion in the phrase usage. Do not use the ownership form "human's" when you mean to use the collective form "humans" in reference to the ecosystem. Do not say "dies out" as that is a redundancy you could use any form of the word "extinction" instead which means a total loss of one species within the ecosystem without possibility of regeneration. The additional information at the end of the second paragraph is under discussed and creates an under developed paragraph and confusing paragraph presentation.

You cannot use the word "because" to start a sentence as there is no previous thought process to connect in the presentation. You could instead say "Due to their importance..." Which creates a more authoritative presentation of your thought process for that sentence. Regardless of these errors, you are not being asked for a solution as there is no problem presented in the essay. This is only a discussion essay, not a solution essay. So your last paragraph is totally out of place and creates an incorrect discussion presentation of the prompt requirements. You will only be scored on the applicable areas of your discussion which will result in a less than minimum word count, for which you will receive point deductions in the final scoring consideration. The second reasoning paragraph should have clearly explained why you believe that the animals need to be protected, You could have used the under developed aesthetic discussion in that paragraph instead, which would have resulted in a well developed discussion presentation.

I am sure you already know what the problem with your concluding paragraph is as I keep reminding you of that error yet you keep doing it. What is the concluding basis for your declaration that wildlife should be preserved? Complete the concluding summary.


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