I would really appreciate it if someone could help me edit my turning point essay. I know i am not good at writing so it sounds like a grade 6 wrote it.(im in grade 10) I need someones help re-writing very badly. I also have to add in 4 descriptive language techniques (eg. similes, metaphors, allusion, imagery etc.) Also feel free to make it more descriptive and add stuff in, it needs to be like alot longer. please help me!!
"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."
-Desmond Tutu
When i was younger my older brother was a huge influence in my life. I copied the things he did and said. I covered and lied for him when I needed too. But the pressure of highschool got to him and because of the four years age difference drugs, alcohal and the police were involved in my life at a young age.
I never knew what my brother was really doing until he started skipping school. It doesn't seem that bad but my brother missed so much school only making time for friends and drugs. The loud and tearful fights every night were tearing my family apart. This caused my mom to always be mad and worried which she sometimes took out on me. The apologies afterwards never seemed like enough.
I had to slowely watch as my brother ruined his life. He dropped out of school in grade 10 and lost his way in life. Drugs, money and pressure took a tole for the worst and he ended up in jail more than once. Covering up my brothers drug problem wasn't helping him get any better and i knew it. But who wants their brother to end up in jail again?
Almost 5 years later I finally watched my brother as he turned his life around. The pressure of covering up for my brother and his unhealthy ways were over. None of my money or possessions were being stolen anymore, our house was a safe place again and my mom became a happier person.
You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."
-Desmond Tutu
When I was younger, my older brother was a prodigious influence in my life. I mimicked the things he did and said, also covered and lied for him when necessary . Yet the pressures of highschool overcame him, and due to the four year age gap, drugs, alcoho l and the police were incorporated in my life at an early age.
I was never aware of my brother's actions until he commenced eluding school. It did not seem as grave at the time, yet my brother neglected so much school that he only alloted time for friends and drugs. The nightly clamorous and lachrymose altercations were were dismatling my family . This placed my mother in a constant state of anger and worry which sometimes spilled over on me . The apologies afterwards never seemed like enough.
I was agonizingly constrained to slowly watch as my brother fragmentize his life. He eventually abandoned school school in grade 10, and lost his way in life. Drugs, money and pressure took a toll for the worst, and he was incarcerated more than once. Covering up my brothers drug problem was not helping him ameliorate and I knew it. But who wants their brother to end up in jail again?
Almost 5 years later, I finally watched my brother as he turned his life around. The pressure of covering up for him and his unhealthy ways were over. None of my money or possessions were being stolen anymore, our house was a safe place again and best of all, my mother became a happier person.
To make the essay longer, you can go into more deatil about how he turned his life around. What made him finally change. You can add this after the first sentence on the last paragraph. Good luck!! :)
sorry I messed this up,
When I was younger, my older brother was a prodigious influence in my life. I mimicked the things he did and said, I also covered and lied for him when necessary. Yet the pressures of highschool overcame him, and due to the four year age gap, drugs, alcohol,and the police were incorporated in my life at an early age.
thanks so much!!! :D
