Plsss... help me to correct this paragraph
During 12 years at school, I have had many friends. However, of all, Ryan is my best friend. We acquainted with each other when we began studying at primary school. She is a pretty girl, that attracted me in the first see. She is a person who always go to school with me day by day, go shopping in free time, watch ghost film at night,ect. Those is my happy time in my life. Moreover, she has especialy a good voice so that whenever I'm in a bad mood she'll sing songs I love to appease me. Besides, she also gives me many advices when i'm in trouble, stand by me when I have difficultys. She says me what is right, what is wrong, what should I do and I dont, ect. Little by little, I realize that She is a important person in my life. I just says to her that: Ryan, you're the greatest friend I has in my life.
linhdemon- I'll try to correct this.
I had many friends during twelve years spam in my school. Ryan was my best friend among these friends. We acquainted each other at the primary school. At first glance , I felt that she is very pretty and attractive.We went school every day together. Not only that but also, we went shopping and watched ghost films together.Those days were the happiest in my life.Moreover, her voice is very sweet and beautiful, so she used to sing for me when my mood is bad. Her singing always appease me. In addition to that she advises me and stand by me when I am in trouble or difficulties. she advises me what is wrong,what is right, what should do and what should not do. Gradually I realised that she is a very important character in my life.I just want to say her "Ryan, you are the greatest friend that I me in my life.
- DuringIn my 12 years at school, I have had many friends.
- We acquainted with each other when we began studying at primary school.
- She is a pretty girl, that attracted me in the first seeat first sight .
- She is a person who always go to school with me day by dayeveryday , go shopping inon our free time, watch ghost film at night,ectetc. .
- Those is myare the happy time in my life.
- Moreover, she has especialyspecially a good voice so that whenever I'm in a bad mood she'll sing songs that I love toand it appease me.
- Besides, she also gives me many advicesadvice when i'mI'm in trouble, stand by me when I have difficultysdifficulties .
- She saystells me what is right, what is wrong, what should I do and I dont, ectdon't, etc. .
- Little by little, I realize that She is aan important person in my life.
- I just sayswant to to tell herto her that:, Ryan, you're the greatest friend I hashave in my life.
Linhdemon, your essay needs quiet a lot of work but good job on stepping up and writing on your own, some people can't even start to write a paragraph on their own. I made some correction as you can see above, also, mind the the following;
- the use of have, had, has, know exactly when to use this verbs as they affect your writing
- I notice a couple of spelling mistake, so turn on your spell check whenever you're writing
- linking verbs as well should be taken into consideration such as is, are, to, etc, in order for your sentences to be complete
- grammar is not so bad and I know this is your first, so keep writing,practice more
- proof read your essay and read english books and dictionaries, they help a lot in enhancing your vocabulary
Keep writing
Cheers!!!
Tks you so much ^^
We acquainted with each other...
CORRECTED: We became acquainted with each other...
Your paragraph is well written, and probably should be expanded into 5 paragraphs. You introduce the subject well, by saying when you met. And you conclude well by saying...
she is thegreatest friend I has in my life...
You just need to correct the verb.
CORRECTED: she is the greatest friend I have in my life...
Pay attentionto your verb conjugation. This is something youneed throughout your essay.
If you take the things that make her your best friend, and break them into paragraphs, you'll have a finished product to be proud of! You could take the singing and the advice of right and wrong, and make them each a paragraph, for example.
A nice detailed description of a very special relationship. Good use of vocabulary, and the narrative description.
Just some order needed to make strong writing! Expand on your initial paragraph, into a 5 paragraph essay.
ef_carol
Tks for your help and your suggestions but i'm just written in about 140 words
