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In prevailing days, it is a ubiquitous concern that there is an ascended dependence on cars.


Azamat98 4 / 8 2  
May 18, 2016   #1
More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation

In prevailing days, it is a ubiquitous concern that, there is an ascended dependence on cars. Many people acknowledge the obstacles that cars contribute to a life of human race. In this essay, I would cite some hazards of this overreliance and feasible rectifications an accordance to my perspective.

To begin with, it is permissible that regular automobile use impinges on human race in various aspects of life encompassing physical, moral or even psychological. Obviously, individuals cannot probably imagine their life without driving, as they use their vehicles from going to work to even dropping in on a market for purchasing a tiny item. It is undeniable to concede the fact that it seems they are gradually losing the ability of walking. Furthermore, there is a tendency in which some people possess a car to use it as an indicator of their social status. Plainly, luxurious cars are not affordable for all and there might be somewhat psychological suffering among poor sectors.

Actually, in this situation, there are several number of viable remedies. First and foremost, it is quite acceptable to impose public transport more in quantity and contemporary in quality. This would definitely appeal people to abandon their driving habits and adapt the usage of public transport. Apart from this, even further, citizens ought to be elucidated the significance of walking on foot until they fathom in depth. Tangibly, it appears that once there is a possibility of people's preference on being pedestrian, which is much healthier.

To take all mentioned into consideration, the issue of car overdependence, which has been a long-enduring challenge for the humankind, is still our lives. Fortunately, there are some possible actions could be taken to eliminate this. However, this transition might take an exponential interim of time.

akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
May 18, 2016   #2
Azamat, your great range of academic vocabularies used is amazing. I was mesmerized with how you construct such vocabularies in your writing. Reading some excellent essays is the reason that makes me happy joining EF other than the pleasure in proofreading. Still, you may consider the following comments:

"it is a ubiquitous concern that, there is an ascended.."
"..and feasible rectifications anin accordance to my perspective."
"..and adapt the usageuse of public transport.

With your skills in writing, I am pretty sure that you can share all the knowledge to the other members in this forum. I am looking forward to read your comments in my threads as well. Regards.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
May 18, 2016   #3
Hi Azamat, first of all WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, may you find this website helpful as well as useful in your writing reference.

We strive to provide the most accurate and relevant feedback to your
writing articles and we hope that you follow through with the given suggestions, however, the corrections and modifications we provide are mere suggestions and it's still up to you to cover them in your revision, know that we have the same goal as you are, for you to become better, if not the best at this craft.

Now, when it comes to your essay, I must say it's well written, you manage to come up with a very solid foundation of your idea, from the introduction down to the conclusion, your essay is written in such a way that the reader knows exactly where the essay is going and the idea you are trying to cast out.

For future writing reference, try to stick to basis conversational English words, sometimes big words or non-conversational words, meaning, words that are not use in everyday conversation can greatly affect the overall outcome of the essay.

There you have it Azamat, I hope the insights help and I wish to review more of your writing soon.
OP Azamat98 4 / 8 2  
May 19, 2016   #4
Thank you all for your feedback. What band score does it deserve?
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
May 19, 2016   #5
Hi Azamat, once again, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF and when it comes to the band of the essay, I will only be able to judge it base on how the language rule are used and how you manage to keep the ideas together and the flow of the essay too.

For this, I give you an 8 due to the fact that, I believe you can still strengthen the essay by changing a few words and make it more conversational and basic, this will ensure that your readers are able to understand the essay and this will help them follow through with the idea that you are trying to convey to your readers.

Moreover, I believe that using simple words will not only tell your story in a very conversational way, but will also create that light conversation and ambience and this is a very good technique in approaching your readers and create a following on your writing, as it is, it's aways good to have readers and critiques as you go along with getting better at your writing.


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