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Essay about the prevalence of self-driving cars in the future

hoanglinh65990 1 / -  
Nov 17, 2019   #1
Hi guys! I'm practicing writing essays for IELTS exam. Please give me some feedback on my essay about the topic below if you have time. I'd highly appreciate your comments, thanks a million!

cars driven by computers

Here is the topic:
Scientists predict in the near future, cars will be driven by computers, not people. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Why?

And below is my essay:

It is true that technologies have been contributing significant impacts on various dimensions of humans' lives. It is projected by scientists that computers will soon replace car drivers by autonomous driving in the future. Personally, I totally agree that this trend will be a progressive breakthrough that is worth expectation.

Firstly, there are two main functions that automatic driving can benefit individuals. The first advantage is that computer-driven cars are better at navigation. When these vehicles are programmed by computers, they will automatically activate the up-to-date maps which are believed to suggest passengers with the shortest and most accurate routes. By contrast, some ambiguous addresses, which can be easily identified by computers, present as a chronic problem for many drivers. Furthermore, autonomy is expected to assist human in saving manual driving efforts. With non-driver technology programmed on cars, the drivers will no longer have to suffer from back pains or spinal disorders due to constant sitting on cars.

Secondly, it seems to me that computer-driven cars are likely to reduce the risks of road accidents. It is the fact that driving habits of human are the main culprit of car crashes on roads. For example, there have been many annual reports of drivers falling asleep while driving which certainly poses dangers to not only the drivers but also other commuters. Autonomous driving, therefore, is supposed to eradicate those threats caused by sleeping disorders. In addition, it is expected that automatic cars will be equipped with particular sensors that allow them to detect dangers and prevent crashes. This feature will certainly be effective to reduce the surging number of fatal accidents every year.

In conclusion, with the reasons mentioned above, I am convinced that computer-driven cars will generate many favorable outcomes for both individuals and society.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Nov 19, 2019   #2
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope my feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing. Please don't hesitate to approach me for additional questions if you have them. Good luck as well with your IELTS exam!

Firstly, the first paragraph is put-together. I appreciate how straightforward it was - and how you were able to incorporate your personal opinion into the text itself, making it easier to comprehend the rest of the writing.

When tackling the body paragraph, I think that you could have opted for a more streamlined and shortened version of the text. For example, that second paragraph's entire chunk of explanation could have had the excessive language omitted to pave way for a more in-depth conclusion in the text. Doing this sort of balancing act will help your writing not leave out any of the critical details just because of missing out on the word count. Keep this in mind when you are writing.

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