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To prevent and overcome chilhood obesity

mdamanhuri77 22 / 35 3  
Sep 14, 2016   #1
For tackling obesity in children, The UK government has some critical to reduce it. It is a vital program to make British healthier than before. These have become under critism, so, this strategy still postponed. Others strategy is incline active role in their school and encourage food companies to reduce sugar foor their good.

What is it caused? Sugar is the one of influence obesity in children such as cereals, yoghurt and bread whic ingredient by 20 per cent. Government should concern about it to make regulation for the Food Companies with sugar standard for food.

In addition, school must take responsibility to make pupils more active with exercise at least 60 minutes in a day. It really work to reduce apetite and elliminate children's overweight. School has its main role to halt obesity with always give them healthy food. It should make a campaign to force junk food in the school and replace all the food which suitable with children.
Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Sep 14, 2016   #2

Your text is a bit awkward (stylistically). I suggest you apply the following adjustments to it:

The UK government [...] considers it very important to apply a continual effort in trying to reduce the rate of obesity in children.
It is [...] The task, in this respect, is to help British people staying healthy.
These [...] you'll need to specify what exactly do you refer to .
Others strategy [...] Among the deployed strategies is trying to reduce the amount of sugar, consumed by children on a daily basis.
What is it caused [...] What causes children to grow obese?
Sugar is the one [...] certainly the matter of concern, in this regard, due to its abundance in different types of food.
The Government should [...] apply more effort in making sure that the functioning of food companies complies with the applicable rules and regulations.
In addition, [...] it should be made mandatory for students in schools to exercise for no less than 60 minutes per day.
It really work [...]This will prevent children from gaining any excessive weight.
School has it [...] this sentence sounds redundant.
to force junk food in the school [...] out of schools...

I hope this came of help. Regards.

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