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"Prevention is better than cure" IELTS essay - much band score I can get?


kazi 1 / -  
Dec 27, 2008   #1
Greetings,
I am kazi form Australia. As I am preparing for general IELTS test it would be nice if you could give me some feedback and suggestions.

How much I can get with this?..Then I will know how much I should try..
I dont know this is the right place or not .This is my first try.

Best regards

---------

Children of today is the future of tomorrow.Tomorrow they will run the country. Therefore
bringing up children properly is not only important but mandatory as they are the young learner.
They can learn from their books and most of the time outside the book' world as well.But whatever it is
their learning must be educational sometimes in a form of entertainment in leisure time.

Children's leisure time can be a great positive impact for its growth when their entertainment can
appear as educational. However it must not be boring or seems to be burden. Suppose children willing to learn
might be reluctant if you put the math quiz books in their hands in the leisure time when finishing their school home work. On the other hand a simple lego set as a form of playing will help them lift up their problem solving skill.Then they will do it willingly.

Children can also learn from even in the story books. This will increase their imagination power and broaden their thinking.Even a fantasy novel like harry porter can help them enrich their imagination.In the leisure time they can enjoy good movies like famous men's story so that they can learn from them. Again all these activities must not be boring in their small world. Sometimes they can pass their time with their friends to playing.This will help them build social bonding and communication skills.

But sometimes wrong exposure of leisure time like playing video game as obsesssion, watching cartoon or adult stuffs
can be a negative impact.These activities make them lazy and unproductive.

In sum up , Children's leisure times must be educational. This education can come from entertainment.In this way they
should be learning in their individual way and can become a balanced person.

Kind Regards
kazi ahsan
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 27, 2008   #2
This concept represents the opportunity to avoid many diseases if we take proactive steps before a problem forms. Previously, governments of many countries emphasized curing the patient but did not sufficiently emphasize the distribution of information that can support prevention.

For this last part, I don't know what overnment is... maybe that is an error? Oh! I think you meant to type "government?" Well, good luck perfecting your english!!! It is hard to master a language, but as a bilingual person you are better than me, because I speak only one language! I wish I was bilingual.

You did not have too many errors...


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