Prevention: The Only Solution To Our Health Problems

prevention is better than cure

IELTS Writing Task 2
The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

Answer
As for health issues, some people argue that prevention is better than cure, so governments should allocate more funds on preventive measures. Personally, I strongly agree with these views.

One of the primary cause is that prevention is the only way to dealing with many diseases for which no cure has been found. The concept of prevention represents opportunities to avoid many diseases if we take proactive steps before a problem forms. For many uncurable diseases like tobacco-related cancer, patients have to count down the rest of their life when receiving the result of a cancer diagnosis. In this regard, research shows that smoking makes cancers more likely, so doctors urge people to stop is an indispensable step to help them prevent it. Thus, perhaps prevention plays more significant impacts for many incurable diseases.

Apart from the argument above, I also believe that it is realistic that government spend more funds on the prevention than the cure. Medical system using public funding is impossible to afford all people's demands concerning treatment and medicine. It is costly to buy effective drugs, and facilities and equipment also come at a massive cost to the government. By contrast, it is manifestly cheap that governments spend money on launching campaigns to encourage a healthy lifestyle, including a balanced diet and regular exercise. So there are manifested benefits to government spending on prevention.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that influence by prevention is higher than cure. Therefore, there are reasonable arguments that require more funs on the prevention.

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Thanks for any comment!

Yu, in a Task 2 essay, you must always present a 5 body of paragraph discussion in order to gain the full advantage of your discussion presentation in the scoring considerations. By presenting only 4 explanations, you are not fully defending your stand in the opinion essay. You could actually present a strong stand in the body of paragraphs if you go this way:

Par. 2 - popular reason and explanation
Par. 3 - popular reason and explanation
Par. 4 - Personal experience / knowledge / opinion

Never start your opening statement with the phrase "As for health issues". Such as presentation connotes the presence of a previous discussion that has a connection with the upcoming discussion in the new paragraph. It is a connecting phrase so it works in the same way as a connecting word. It is never used to start a sentence unless there is a preceding sentence or statement before it.

Since you indicate that you "strongly agree" with the issue presented, it is improper for you to use a sentence that has a word that connotes doubt such as "perhaps" in your presentation. A "strong" opinion means you are absolutely sure of your stand and are willing to defend it without question or pause. The presence of the term "perhaps" in your presentation indicates uncertainty and therefore, runs counter to your stated opinion. This creates a weakened presentation and tangential response on your part which will lower the score for your essay in the TA section.

You must also be constantly aware of the sentence requirements per paragraph. The opening and concluding paragraphs are not exempted from the minimum 3 - maximum 5 sentence presentation for every paragraphs. This is because these 2 paragraphs directly increase your TA score in terms of proving your English comprehension skills through the restatement of the prompt and discussion in summarized form.