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Price increase of fattening foods will solve overweight problem

cherryblossom 6 / 11 3  
Jul 26, 2022   #1

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight.

Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Obesity rates around the world seems to be ever-increasing and some argue that by raising the amount of money people are having to pay for greasy fast food, the issue will be tackled. Personally, I totally disagree with this idea as little amount of change will be made and it may unneccesarily bring about a financial inconvenience for those who consider those types of foods as nice treatments at weekends.

My belief is that if this idea is brought into effect, no pronounced difference will be experienced. People these days turn to fast food not just because of its appetizing look and good taste but also because of its fast nature. They are seriously caught up in the city rat race and there is basically too little time to make a home-cooked meal, especially after an exhausting day at work. Therefore, even if the number on price tag is made bigger, it is likely that purchasers still choose them, sacrificing a small proportion of their income for a significant amount of time saved from preparing a healthy meal.

Furthermore, what should not be ignored is that there are many people who consume these foods as an indulgence occasionally will sustain this financial consequence because of other people's actions. This is extremely unfair because children from low-income families will be deterred from enjoying this small pleasure. When they turn into teenagers, socializing is essential and fast food is often consumed in those occasions. In this case, the price will unnecessarily constitute a challenge for them to make friends. It is common sense that no one should be deprived of happiness when a policy is released, therefore, it seems to me that such approach should not be the right one.

In conclusion, I am totally opposed to this suggestion on the grounds that it would be ineffective given people's being fully occupied with work and the fairness it will definitely fail to achieve.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4247  
Jul 26, 2022   #2
Do not overstate /exaggerate the discussion. Where in the original prompt does it make reference to a worldwide obesity trend? It is important that the original information is restated without changing the information provided. When infomation is added, the writer will lose points due to task inaccuracy violations. This first paragraph is definitely not going to help the essay start off with a passing score. It is a failing paragraph. The writer's opinion is improperly presented as well since it is a run on sentence. The thesis statement should cover 2 sentences since there are 2 unrelated ideas being used to support the writer's opinion. Do not try to circumvent the scoring considerations. That is why this essay is starting with a preliminary failing score from which it may not recover.

The other reason this essay is not going to pass is the conclusion. It is another run on sentence that does not meet the 40 word requirement. The summary conclusion should be presented over 3 sentences at the most. These stated reasons are going to be the basis of the failing score of the essay. Even though the reasoning paragraphs contain good reasons but imperfect sentence representations, the writer may not receive a passing score.

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