the main function of music
Music has always been considered one of the most important aspects of people's lives in any historical period. Although the role of music plays is believed to alleviate high levels of human stress, I strongly agree that working while listening to music also improves working quality.
On the one hand, there are several compelling reasons explained why music can be seen as a reducing stress method. First and foremost, healing music on any music streaming platform is believed to help listeners more optimistic about life and people, resulting in widespread positive energy. For example, "Sportify", a music app with a playlist called " Heal me" obviously spread love to the whole listener community so that they can sympathize with the lyrics of the writer and feel peace in their mind. Furthermore, music is considered a great method of curing a social disease such as depression, one of the most prominent in modern society. In terms of medical therapy, wring melodies and lyrics act as an incentive for people to confide the social pressure that they are suffering now, decreasing the rate of depression in all societies.
On the other hand, it can be denied that music is an ideal place for working. The first one worth mentioning is that listening to music enables people to be more concentrated on their improving the quality of their work and thus achieve higher productivity during the working process. For instance, I used to be loss of concentration during working time, proved to enhance the quality of my work by listening to a concentrated music playlist on the Spotify app. Additionally, listeners themselves may be exposed to a wide range of imaginative ideas from the lyrics song, which is an dispensable for their critical thinking skills. As a result, they may become more receptive to others' opinions as well as more competent at debating to protect their viewpoint.
In conclusion, the paramount importance of music brings is not only helps ease the pressure that people are burdened but also enhances the performance of working.
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You have a presentation over 300 words here. While it allowed you present a proper reasoning series, it affected the overall scoring of your essay because the length opened you up to more presentation errors, leading to increased sectional score deductions. A shorter essay would have allowed you avoid those mistakes by allowing you more time to review and revise your content. A 40 minute writing task cannot have this high number of words written.
The paraphrase + Writer's opinion section of this essay should have only been composed of 2 or 3 sentences. It should not include a discussion deviation as this paragraph does. The change of discussion slant came in with the first sentence written for the presentation. That is the writer's personal opinion, and is not referred to in the original presentation. Therefore, it is not supported by the original discussion. It should not be in this presentation.
Using the phrases "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" refers to different or opposing discussion points in the reasoning paragraphs. It is not used when the reasons presented support the same opinion. Since the writer is strongly giving evidence to show the appropriateness of his opinion, the aforementioned phrases should not be used in either reasoning paragraphs. This would be considered GRA deductions since it caused confusion for the reader who was expecting to read topics that contradict one another.
As far as the content of the reasoning paragraphs, both reasons are correct and show a clear understanding of the topic provided. There is a wrong reference in the first reason though. The app is called "Spotify" not "Sportify". While "Spotify" is known to the examiner, he will get confused by the "Sportify" reference, so that would be an LR deduction. You did correct that reference in the same paragraph, but you did not revise the wrong spelling in the previous reference. Next time, properly edit and revise the paper to increase your scoring marks.
A conclusion for the task 2 essay is expected to summarize the previous discussion within 2 or more sentences. This was not accomplished by your presentation so the task will not be properly concluded. Yes, deductions will apply yet again.
All these errors concerned, I do believe that you might receive the lowest possible passing score though. You stuck to the correct discussion points, your explanation is coherent and well connected, there is no reason for you hit the failing mark at this point. You just won't get a higher than average passing score.