Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

The primary reasons behind low productivity of agriculture land. Two graphs description IELTS TASK 1


hadeel21 1 / -  
Apr 13, 2017   #1

Low land productivity and it's influence on region



The pie chart below displays the primary reasons behind low productivity of agriculture land while the table manifests how 3 regions of the world are impacted by these causes through 1990s.

It is noticeable from the pie chart that there were three main reasons behind land degradation, deforestation; over-cultivation; over-grazing. However, all of the mentioned factors contributed nearly with equal percentage. On the other hand, Europe has obviously suffered the most from land degradation while North America experienced the least with mentioned factors affected them in in various percentages.

Land degradation in 1990s was mainly a result of three different factors; deforestation; over-cultivation and over-grazing, yet these 3 factors contributed almost equally in degrading lands. To enumerate, over- grazing ranked 1st with the percentage of 35; deforestation was the 2nd with 30% value; over-cultivation with 28% and other insignificant minor causes with 7%.

In the light of these different factors, many places has been affected. Europe was the most place that suffered from land degradation with a total land degradation of 23% mainly due to deforestation 9.8%. On the contrary, North America experienced the least with 5% of its land suffered from degradation as a result of over cultivation 3.3% . However, Oceania, a large group of islands in the South Pacific including Australia and New Zealand, had no over-cultivation on its land but the total land degraded was 13% .




Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Apr 13, 2017   #2
Hadeel, you must avoid redundancies of information in your essays. Your irst 2 paragraphs contain the same information in the first half. I think this is caused by your lack of familiarity with the information presented in the pie chart and the data chart. Your overview summary int he first paragraph is also lacking information. You should have divided the topic outline into 3 full sentences covering the types of degradation and the countries that were indicated in the chart. That would have given the overview a more complete feel and allowed your properly outline the discussion and instructions provided in the original instructions.

Since your comparison sequence covered 3 different countries, the more proper format for your essay would have been to allow a discussion per country, of the related information, within the same paragraph. So you could have written a total of 5 paragraphs covering the summary, the worldwide comparison, then the percentage per country. This would have allowed for a more accurate and related comparison of information within the essay.

Due to the redundancies in the presentation, a lack of cohesiveness and coherence in your discussion, and stress that your information presentation put on the reader, I do not think you can receive a score higher than a 4 for this practice test.


Home / Writing Feedback / The primary reasons behind low productivity of agriculture land. Two graphs description IELTS TASK 1