traditional way of catching news and reading
In the digital age, we can easily access to all the resources on the internet, which is a huge convenience. And it is conspicuous that people are getting in the habit of electronic books. Therefore, some individuals doubt that the traditional way of catching news, broadening horizons, or simply enjoying a good book will die out. I do not acquiesce in the argument for a few reasons below.
To begin with, I firmly believe that people are currently devoting most of their time working in front of the computer screen. Hence, the printed words will be the escape for such extensive intensity. Besides, the prolonged exposure to these digital devices will take a heavy toll on our eyes in the long term. If we stare at the screen for long hours on a daily basis, our eyes will start to be sore and painful. In the second place, who can really miss out the smell of new books, the movement of turning the pages and also the author's signature, which is featured. We can also purchase a good book and give it to our dearest friend as a meaningful present. Finally, I am sure that some of us are keen on collecting novels, magazines, and special editions. That is why we have shelves in some corners of our house where we can stay peaceful and refresh our souls. Needless to say that we cannot put the encoded materials anywhere but our technological equipment.
To flip the coin, the modern way of relishing reading is truly a time-saver. As we do not have to go out to the bookstores to buy a book and sometimes it is out of stock. By only a few clicks or taps, it gives way to a whole electronic library where we can find all the references we are craving for. Furthermore, e-books do not cost as much as the tangible ones.
All in all, I still prefer the old method of approaching information to the state-of-the-art one. And I deem that the footage of paper-made media will never vanish from our daily life.
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Your prompt paraphrase is too far from the original material to qualify as a proper paraphrase. Let's put it this way, it would have been better if you had framed the original prompt as:
With the recent development in technology like e-books some people feel that the printed media like books, newspapers and magazine will soon be a thing of the past. Others feel that those forms of media will never disappear. I find it difficult to acquiesce with these ideas. This is because of the health considerations related to computer based reading materials and the desire of some people to still feel the printed pages as they read, while smelling the ink off the page.
Remember, in a straightforward opinion essay, you need to outline your discussion points at the start. In this case, mentioning the actual 2 topic sentences would have increased your TA presentation adherence, boosting your overall score in the process.
Had you used just 2 fully explained discussion topics as illustrated in the above outline, your essay would have been better represented. The discussion topic, focusing on only 1 topic per paragraph for full explanation, would have been seen as a better explanation and more format adherent. It would have also shown that you can create cohesive discussions by using 2 related topics to make your point in the explanation. Your current essay tends to be over discussed but very little developed in terms of explanation because you focused only on giving reasons, but not explaining the reasons properly. That is why you are limited to 2 topic sentences per paragraph for the standard essays and 3 topics per paragraph for the compare and contrast with personal opinion essays.
Please remember, you cannot start a sentence with the word And. That is a connecting word which requires a previous sentence idea presentation to be developed prior to the presentation of a connected idea in the last part of the sentence.
I genuinely appreciate your feedback. It will help me a lot. Thanks very much!
Your essay is lacking example.
First, you suppose that the prolonged exposure to these digital devices will take a heavy toll on our eyes in the long term but you have not given any specific figures or statistics according to a health agency.
Second, you argued that e-books do not cost as much as the tangible ones. Why? In fact, I still find some books sold at bookstores for just $1, while sold online is more expensive than those for a few reasons.