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Should we let ex-prisoners, who have become good people, talk to youngster about committing a crime?


nguyendo 2 / 2  
Oct 13, 2016   #1
Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that a lot of prisoners change into good people after they were released from jail. There is some controversy over whether they are the best people to give advice to youngster about the negative effect of crime. I personally strongly agree with the statement and I have some reasons to support it which will be explained briefly in the following paragraph.

To begin with, public always have prejudices against ex-prisoner but not all of them have a bad personality. A lot of them committed crimes because they were in a desperate situation, for example they could not find a job to support their family who was in dire need. In prison, they were provided with technical skill and personal development program. After accepted back to the society, they work harder and become more successful than regular citizens as they have learned a lesson from their past. Those who have committed a crime and have been sentenced to be imprisoned often understand the value of life and thus change radically.

Lots of young people, in the opposite, are not mature enough to appreciate their lifetime. Lacking guidance from custodians, youngsters lost their target of life, start to lead a life of debauchery, and then some of them commit crimes by mistakes. I believe this is the point which experiences from a former prisoner, who have changed their life, can help. With ex-prisoner shares, it is hoped that youngster's view could be broadened, their awareness of the dangerous side of crimes could be raised. Therefore, young people would become good citizens.

All in all, I totally support the idea that former prisoners who have changed their life will be admirable mentors. After learning valuable lessons from people who were imprisoned, it is hoped that youngsters would avoid from crime activities in the future.

TVLAERE 9 / 24 3  
Oct 13, 2016   #2
These arguments are well described. The structure is clear and the essay is brief. The tone of your essay is quite formal so I would use a more standard way to begin your last paragraph. (To conclude I would like to say that...)

Is this an essay for school? It is a bit short which can be either an advantage, or a disadvantage depending on the goal.
OP nguyendo 2 / 2  
Oct 14, 2016   #3
Hi TVLAERE,
Thanks for your advice. This is my writing for IELTS task 2. I am planning to take an IELTS test at the end of this year
septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Oct 14, 2016   #4
Hello nguyendo, I will give you some opinions about your essay

Introduction :
"It is true that a lot of prisoners change into good people after they were released from jail". I suggest to use "more" words rather than "a lot of" in an essay.

"There is some controversy over whether they are the best people to give...". You have to 'stress' your own words by using singular or plural form. E.g : There are some controversies...

"I personally strongly agree with the statement and I have some reasons to support it which will be explained briefly ...". I suggest to use "... to support it whom will be ..." or "... to support which it will be ..."

Body 1:
A lot of(Most of/ Some of) them committed crimes because (...) find a job to support their family(their families) who was(were) in dire need.

Body 2:
"I believe this is the point which experiences from a former prisoner..." There is a grammatical error when you use "I believe". It should be "I believed that ..."


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