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[IELTS] Prisons have various purposes


tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 18, 2014   #1
Some people believe that punishment is the only purpose of prisons, while others believe that prisons exist for various reasons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The number of crime increases significantly. Numerous people argue that the main purpose of prisons is punishment, while others regard that there are some reasons why prisons are built. However, I believe both views have different perspective.

Supports of punishment state that the main purpose of prisons is to punish some people who commit in crime. These days, the level of criminality in urban areas inclines, and it should be measured by sending people in the jail. A case in point, many people use internet to take over some money from virtual account of bank's consumers. This case is utmost dangerous and sometimes it is difficult to be tracked by transaction history in internet banking. As a result, some experts and government must set a policy to measure this problem and result a fixed punishment. As a result, this solution can prevent crime and jails are the place of criminal to accept a fixed punishment.

On the other hand, reforming people is the second purpose of prisons. Firstly, people who occupy the jails can learn about sawing the clothes, drawing a landscape and studying botanical. Those activities are deserved for criminals in order to improve their skills and can be used after moving out prisons. In addition, buskers and baggers can live in prisons which settle many people who do not have an accommodation. When they have a place to stay in certain period, it means that the poverty can be reduced and the number of crimes will disappear. Finally, some skills teach in prisons can help prisoners to be independent and to be brief to face the world. Thus, prisons have other purposes in order to keep many people without housing.

In conclusion, it seems to me that jails are a place to send criminal by fixed punishment and an area for criminals to study about many skills. However, I believe that prisons should become a comfortable home for homeless.

dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Jun 18, 2014   #2
TheNowadays, the number of crimes keep increasingincreases significantly. NumerousVarious people argue that the main purpose of prisons is punishment, while others regardbelieve that there are some reasons why prisons are built

Well, you need to have a better link between the first and the second lines. You suddenly jump to a different idea and your flow breaks there.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 18, 2014   #3
However, I believe both views have different perspectives .

when you put the word 'different', and before this word there is no comparison, it must be followed by noun plural

These days, the level of criminality in urban areas inclines, and it should be measured by sending people in to the jail.

As a result , some experts and government must set a policy to measure this problem and result a fixed punishment. As a result, this solution can prevent crime and jails are the place of criminal to accept a fixed punishment.

try to use the other phrases, when you use the same phrases as you did, it may make the readers think that after these word you will write the same sentence
rims 6 / 10 2  
Jun 18, 2014   #4
The number of crime increases significantly.

In recent years, the number of crimes has increased significantly.
reza10977 6 / 11  
Jun 19, 2014   #5
I think it is short essay for real ielts exam...


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