Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Nowadays, private car is one of the essential needs for people lives. But there's too many of them.


Heru22 5 / 7 1  
Aug 31, 2016   #1
Many people depend on their cars for everyday domestic, social, and working needs. However, unlimited use of cars causes a number of problems.
What are some of these problems?
What can be done to reduce the use of cars?


Nowadays, private car is one of the essential needs for people live. Some of them buy car to encourage their professional or only improve their social status. In contrast, the increasing number of cars causes harmful effect for environment and society. So to tackle the issue, government should increase capability of vehicle and make role to reduce car used.

First of all, overreliances on cars increase the percentage of emission in the world. Cars produce carbondioxcide as output gas which could create greenhouse in the world. It traps heat of sun and make temperature increasing dramatically. In addition, the traffic congestion will happen in many places so people could feel freedom when they travel and have to go to in workplace on time.

There some suggestions which government should do. Firstly, an improvement quality and efficiency of public transportation are needed to encourage people using their cars less. Government could do it by modernizing the way to access public transportation using smartphone, establishing fast train in the center of city and checking vehicle regularly to ensure in well condition. Secondly, the role of using cars is important to pursue people leaving their car in home. For example, in some countries, a role has been operating, people use their cars on three days in a week and for other days they could not be allowed to use their car. Therefore, public transport is taken.

To sum up, unlimited of using cars cause bad problem for environment and human life. Increasing quality and an effective role are needed to decline the percentage of private car. To ensure the solutions working effectively government and citizens should cooperate.

(274 words)

Eric2750230 7 / 11 6  
Aug 31, 2016   #2
Hi there, this essay is average and what I've noticed is that you have a lot of problem with grammar and sentence structure. Here are the few mistakes that caught my eye at a first glance:

Nowadays, private car is one of the essential needs for people live.

you are suggesting that car is essential for living and without it people will die, perhaps a better sentence would be Recently, there has been an increase in the usage of private cars and, therefore increased trraffic congestion.

Some of them buy car to encourage their ...

Some of them buy car for professional needs or to increase their social status.

... overreliances on overreliances is not a word ... ... over-reliance of

carbondioxcide

carbon dioxide

Cars produce carbondioxcide as output gas which could create greenhouse in the world.

When arguing it is better to avoid could since it weakens the argument, the proper word would be to use would instead of could.

and you repeated the same mistake again it is carbon dioxide

Overall, if this is an IELTS essay I would grade it no more than 5 out of 9.
bung ilham 14 / 30  
Sep 1, 2016   #3
Aloha Heru, let me share my thoughts:

Nowadays, private car is one of the essential needs for people live(I think this sentence is not needed) . Some of thempeople buy cars to encourage their professional or onlyand also improve their social status.

... causes harmful effects for environment and society(I suggest you to say"natural and social environment") . Sotherefore, to tackle the issue, government shouldcould increase capability of vehicles and makes role to reduce car useduse of cars .

Cars producecarbondioxcide(misspelling) as output gas which ...
It traps heat of sun and make temperature increasing dramatically(you'd better give the specific information such as "example condition, recent study, or phenomenon) . In addition, the traffic congestion will happen in many places so people ...(you'd better add more explanations to make your essay stronger)

There some suggestions which government should do.(avoid this sentence and focus on what solutions you propose)
Government could do it by modernizing the way to access public transportation ...(you could make this simple but straight to the point)

overall, I should better improve your vocabularies by reading more model answer as much as you can
ashelarisa48 36 / 52 4  
Sep 1, 2016   #4
Hi Heru! I want to give some feedback for you, here we go.

... to encourage their professionalism professionalism or only ...

... capability of vehicle and make role a regulation to reduce car used.
In addition, the traffic congestion will happen in many places so people could can not feel freedom when they travel and have to go to in workplace on time.

There is some suggestions which ...

... using cars cause a bad problem for the environment and human life.

To ensure the solutions working effectively, government and ...

Hope this helps
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Sep 1, 2016   #5
Hi Heru,

- Some of them buy car in order to encourage their professionalprofessionalism or only to improve their social status.
- ... capability of vehicle and make rolea regulation to reducethe number of private car used.
- Cars produce carbondioxcidecarbon dioxide as an output gas which could create greenhouse gasses in the world
- It traps heat of the sun and make temperature increasingincrease temperature dramatically.
- so people could feel freedom when they ... ( you need to explain more about the convenience because it makes an ambiguity from the main idea)
- To ensure the solutions working effectively governmentgovernment should work effectively and citizens should cooperate.

Hopefully it helps. Keep Writing.


Home / Writing Feedback / Nowadays, private car is one of the essential needs for people lives. But there's too many of them.