Compared to the authorities,
The writer has included a private observation as a part of his topic restatement. This is unacceptable and shall lower the TA score. Considered a topic deviation since this claim is unsupported in the original claim, the writer cannot recieve scoring consideration for this sentence. Only the 2 original claims should be clearly and seperately restated in the first half of the paragraph.
Although some might argue
I would contend
The restatement paragraph required only these 2 thoughts. Each thought should have been represented in 2 thoroughly developed sentence idea presentations. Missing from the paragraph are the 2 related topic thesis sentences to complete the paragraph requirement.
On the one hand
However
Incorrect discussion format. The question to be responded to is :
Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?
The response to which should have been presented in the following formation over 2 paragraphs:
Sentence 1 : Disadvantage introduction
Sentence 2: Explain the disdvantage
Sentence 3: Reason it is actually an advantage
Sentence 4: Explanation of the advantage
Sentence 5: Example that disproves the disadvantage
This is an opinion paper, the writer must defend his stance without indicating both sides are correct, or that both sides have acceptable reasons for being. Since he is asked only for a single response to the question, that is what he must convince the reader of. He must never contradict his first opinion as he risks confusing the readers regarding his true opinion. The result of which is a failed TA and GRA score due to lack of opinion clarity and statement confusion.
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