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IELTS: problem of obesity and how to solve it; parents & school all have a role


hbzezo 1 / -  
Apr 26, 2014   #1
All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

Over the last few years, obesity has become a serious problem. These days, it affects an increasing number of both children and adults. Causes of overweight must be considered and addressed effectively, otherwise societies will suffer from even greater health problems. This essay will look at the causes of this problem and make some suggestions about how to tackle it.

One of the main causes of overweight is high intake of junk food such as hamburgers, chips, and fried chicken. Many people prefer to have a takeaway meal or pick up a pre-prepared food in the supermarket, which contain high salt and fat, rather than cooking a healthy meal at home. For instance, in the UK, sales of junk food has risen significantly over the last few years. The solution is for the government to increase sales tax on any food that is considered to be unhealthy. This would make consumers decrease their intake of this type of food and start to make the healthy home-made one.

Another problem is that fewer and fewer persons are doing sports. This is because the high expenses of registration in a gym. For example, the monthly fees of gyms in UK is around 40 or 50 pounds, which is very difficult to be afforded by many. To address this, the government could assign more money for sports facilities such as gyms to become more affordable. So that many persons would hopefully do sports and consequently start to lose weight.

A third cause of the problem is the sedentary lifestyle many families are living all the time. High quality of life and having many facilities make our lifestyle more lazy. Many families have more than one car and they are using all the cars all the time to go to their destinations, even if it can be reached by bus or on foot. The way forward might be for the government to increase the price of oil and charge owners of private cars for road use. This would make people go to their destinations on foot or by bicycles instead of using their cars.

To sum up, obesity becomes an increasingly worrying issue affecting wide range of age groups. In my view, government, parents and school all have a role to play in tackling the problem. Action must be taken urgently, otherwise our country will face even more serious problems in health.

yuchiu 2 / 5  
Apr 26, 2014   #2
hi there,
about grammar, there is some mistake : Another problem is that fewer and fewer persons are doing sports.
and here is some suggestion : High quality of life and having many facilities make our lifestyle more lazy. could be ''office and factory automation makes our lifestyle more lazy. ''

Many families have more than one car and they are using all the cars all the time to go to their destinations could be '' the reliance on cars also a directly cause of obesity'' hope this can help you. =)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Apr 26, 2014   #3
Let me give you a piece of advice :D
For the next essay, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph. Why? the first thing the examiner sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately know your writing needs more work to read.

Not separating paragraphs. Your score will immediately drop if you do not separate paragraphs clearly. My advice: leave a full line between paragraphs.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Apr 30, 2014   #4
To address this, the government could assign more money for sports facilities such as gyms to become more affordable.

if you give such a suggestion, it is more recommended if you use should because it is the right word to give a suggestion


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