Topic:
Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school
.
What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?
It is true that there have been more students having difficulty staying focused in school in recent years. This issue stems from a number of causes from which several effects will be outlined in this essay.
There are two primary reasons for why unfocused students have become commonplace. The main problem is electronic devices consumption inside classes. This is because of notifications from applications , students get distracted to check the phone for text messages and even play games when they feel bored in class. As a result, the grade of students using phones during class is lower than those who do not. Similarly, the outdated and rigid teaching method is considered a main culprit. The fact that students often learn in a one-way teaching environment causing boredom and losing attention in the class.
Some feasible solutions can be implemented to remedy this pressing issue. Firstly, teachers should be active in class. For instance, teachers can walk around the classroom while teaching, thus students will have less opportunity to use their phone or allow students to use educational learning applications. Another measure worth mentioning is that schools should apply different teaching methods to the student's curriculum. As an example, since the internet is full of high quality material related to the courses, students can do a research paper on the lesson through the internet and with the help of the teachers.
In conclusion, cell phone consumption and old teaching methods are two main reasons for why many students pay less attention to their lessons at school, however, this problem can be solved by changing the way in teaching.
Hello everyone, this is my first IELTS essay posted on this forum. Could you please spare a few minutes and give me feedbacks on this work? Sincere thanks for your assistance
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,806 
4780 When 2 direct questions are provided in the original prompt, the writer is expected to give topic related responses to the questions. The topic response outlines the 2 paragraph topic basis for the reasoning discussion. Such a presentation is required in that section to help show the writer's flow of thought and clear thinking / opinion as required in the scoring criteria.
The student clearly knows what should be said in the essay but is not familiar enough with the English vocabulary to use the right words. The reference to consumption is improper as phone apps are not consumed but rather, used by a person which can lead to distraction. Such errors will affect the clarity and meaning of a statement and lower the LR, C + C, and GRA scores in relation to sentence structure and meaning/ accuracy.
The solutions introduction sentence is redundant in presentation. A solution means the same as a remedy. Repeated word usage will have a word usage score deduction as wwell. Avoid saying the same thing twice in a sentence. That does not add to the C + C score.
Closing with a run-on sentence is a definite GRA deduction. summarize the previous discussion properly. Avoid long sentences that do not properly meet the complex sentence structure in the presentation.
Hi, I think the structure of your essay is clear. You have answered the questions.
In the third paragraph, maybe you can mention why these solutions can solve the problems.
You can connect these ideas back to the problem.
@mina123
hi. I read your essay, and I think it is a good one.
but, in my opinion it will be better if you can add a short introduction to your idea in the first parapraph.
Dear Mya223,
Although I have no experience with the IELTS, I do have some feedback.
1. You should give a bit more background as to why this is a pressing issue. It is important and you can always refer back to it throughout the rest of the essay/
2. You can summarize sentence 2-4. Instead of saying, "This issue stems from several affects" you should instead say "Students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention in school because electronic device consumption during class sessions and outdated and rigid teaching methods." From there, you can make two separate paragraphs and go into detail from there.
3. As @Holt mentioned, there is a lot of redundancy in your essay. Try to summarize. Always try to keep it simple when writing in English; it often conveys the information better.
