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Problem and Problem-Solving of the Internet Drawbacks


alfa7 19 / 26 1  
Oct 5, 2016   #1
Question:

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before.

What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what solutions can you suggest?


Answer:

We cannot hold the technology expansion in our daily life. It is in the same way as hold back the rivers. The data statistic index talk about developing of technology per year touches the vast number in almost less than fifth; moreover, it was most developed on internet sector. I have a tendency to allow that technology development being an "angle" for our effective daily life into the consideration in the fact that world today has not a primitive era in every single side.

In the real world, every actions have consequences, including the technology expansion. Firstly, the drawback of technology development is being laziness invention human behavior inasmuch as people getting more manageable and accessible life. Secondly, technology creates distance to one and another. For the simple daily example is as we know every day, mostly people hard-pressed with their phone; thus they cast eyes down and created idiotic generation. Finally, in case every manufactures replace their employee to robotic machine with artificial intelligent, the technology will create the employment opportunities are slumping deepest in hell.

Those problem do not matter if we tackle this problem with right solve. Every school should keep their sport education on syllabus and create a discipline curriculum to learn how to utilize the technology with positive way. Discipline subject in early school could create laziness less behavior in our adolescent mindset. Every people should have well education with technology in their hand to be aware and kind to use it; moreover, the education about technology and how to be wise with it should be human right premium agenda for counter the drawbacks. The government must create obligation for the capital about employment opportunities for human, which do not take a nosedive human undertake life with replace their job with robotic machine.

Ultimately, I still have a tendency to allow the technology development. Whereas that could be "angle" of our effective life, on condition that the problem namely laziness, idiotic generation and risk of employment opportunities should be tackle with all people in across the globe. We can tackle this with insert discipline curriculum and insert sport education in our syllabus and we transform ourselves for educated well before having a smartphone. Furthermore, the government tackle a part to as obligator to create an obligation for save our employee.

liv_ryu 13 / 22 6  
Oct 5, 2016   #2
Well, hi alfa7
Actually, you are able to manage your word beautifully but sometimes you should pay fully attention to simple mistakes:

1. redundancy
for example :

every single

every and single are the same meaning, perhaps you need to choose one of them.
2. noun singular or plural
for example :

In the real world, every actions have consequences, including the technology expansion.

every is followed by noun singular so you should write
In the real world, every action has consequences, including the technology expansion.

Those problem

those is followed by noun singular
3. then, repetition
for example :

tackle

I have counted down that at least 4 times in the short time, I suggest you to change it into handle, oversee, or manage

It is simple but it should be avoided. I hope that those help you.
mem77 62 / 98 6  
Oct 5, 2016   #3
Hello Alfa, this is some correction from me. Feel free to correct me too.

The data statistic index talk about developing of technology.....
Data statistic index talk about the development of technology.....

.....it was most developed on internet sector.
.....itsmore developed on internet sector.

I have a tendency to allow....
I have tendentious to allow.....

.....development is being laziness invention human....
....development being laziness invention human....

Thanks, Keep practice!
Abrahamlincoln 54 / 56  
Oct 6, 2016   #4
Halllo brother
let me give you some advices:

In paragraph 3, your solutions cannot solve all problems. You are supposed to provide solution that could overcome all issues you mentioned before. Try to create solutions with 3 approaches such as goverment, education and technology. It would be beneficial to ease you create powerful solutions.

I think, the reader would be confuse what you want to deliver with "angle". Make it more specific to have specific meaning.

keep writing
Fitri12 28 / 53 6  
Oct 6, 2016   #5
Hi Alfa, you have a pretty good writing, unfortunately on the second paragraph, you have not fully developed the example. it will be better to put more explanation in order to convince your reader regarding your idea.

Keep practicing.

Feel free to visit my Thread as well.

Thank you.


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