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IELTS TASK 1 - SOME PROBLEMS WHICH ARE FACED WHEN STAY ABROAD


awe_28 25 / 10 6  
Jan 19, 2016   #1
A breakdown of proportion of some challenges which are experienced by people when they stay in new countries regarding three various age ranges is provided in bar chart. At the first glance, the challengers find sorting out healthcare and finances are the greatest deals for them. In addition, people aged 35-54 has the highest percentage of all problems.

To begin, managing health is the biggest problem in people aged 35-54 and over 55 aged group which 36% and 37% percent respectively experience this problem. On the contrary, 32% of the youngest age range feels difficult to maintain healthy which is the lowest proportion.

The chart reveals that the oldest age group has the most stable in controlling their expenses, whereas there are virtually 35% of people aged 35-54 and 18-34 years old are unable to settle it.

Finding school for children is mostly faced by middle aged group since there is around 20% of this group feel it as a problem. On the contrary, this issue is experienced by 6% of younger range group whereas just about 2% of people aged over 55 years old have this problem.




fahmisadja 33 / 33 34  
Jan 19, 2016   #2
Hi Nur, nice to read your essay. let me to comment on your writing :)

A breakdown of proportion of some challenges which are(you can omit these words) experienced by people when they stay in new countries regarding three various age ranges is provided in the bar chart. At the first glance, the challengers find sorting out healthcare and finances are the greatest deals for them (this sentence is inappropriate as there are 2 verbs here) . In addition, people aged 35-54 hashave the highest percentage of all problems (maybe you should look for another unique figure as the level is less marked between this range aged among others) .

maybe you can use this for your alternative option for your first overview:

The two biggest obstacles that have to be solved are financial and healthcare problems.

in my opinion, you should pick noticeable trend in the bar chart, like finding school for children, perhaps. This factor is just a trouble for all people range age. So, you may use this sentence, In contrast, finding school for children is not a big deal for them.

o begin, managing health is the biggest problem in people aged 35-54 and over 55 aged group which, representing 36% and 37% percent respectively experience this problem

On the contrary, this issue is experiencedseen by 6% of younger range group, (put comma here) whereas just about 2% of people aged over 55 years old have this problem.

I hope it helps. Good luck then :)


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