Hi Nur, nice to read your essay. let me to comment on your writing :)
A breakdown of proportion of some challenges which are(you can omit these words) experienced by people when they stay in new countries regarding three various age ranges is provided in the bar chart. At the first glance, the challengers find sorting out healthcare and finances are the greatest deals for them (this sentence is inappropriate as there are 2 verbs here) . In addition, people aged 35-54
hashave the highest percentage of all problems (maybe you should look for another unique figure as the level is less marked between this range aged among others) .
maybe you can use this for your alternative option for your first overview:The two biggest obstacles that have to be solved are financial and healthcare problems.
in my opinion, you should pick noticeable trend in the bar chart, like finding school for children, perhaps. This factor is just a trouble for all people range age. So, you may use this sentence, In contrast, finding school for children is not a big deal for them.
o begin, managing health is the biggest problem in people aged 35-54 and over 55 aged group
which, representing 36% and 37% percent respectively experience this problem
On the contrary, this issue is
experiencedseen by 6% of younger range group, (put comma here) whereas just about 2% of people aged over 55 years old have this problem.
I hope it helps. Good luck then :)