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IELTS2: Are the problems that international travellers cause greater than the advantages they bring?

oneouran 6 / 13 4  
Jun 7, 2019   #1

essay about the tourism industry

TOPIC: International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Are the problems that international travellers cause greater than the advantages they bring?

It is true that the international tourism industry has become more popular than before. Although there are those who may argue that this is a negative trend, I hold the belief that the advantages behind this trend far outweigh its drawbacks.

From my perspective, environment protection is the first and foremost issue nowadays. However, we all know that the fast development in the tourism industry would bring some problem to our society and there is a dilemma between development and environment. In the past, people could go to a beach and appreciate the beauty of sunset happily but now we seldom have a chance to do that because of the pollution. Many tourist attractions have been destroyed and lose their colourful scenery due to the prosperity in the tourism industry.

In spite of the above arguments, I still see this is a positive trend. The foremost reason for my point is that the development of international tourism improves our economic growth and even creates more job opportunities than before. Some traditional stores near a tourist attraction mainly depend on travellers to survive, and also many people work as a tour guide or offer a service to visitors. Moreover, governments could not only make more money from the tourism industry but also promote countries around the world. As a result, the development of international tourism is a positive evolution.

In conclusion, there are some pros and cons to this development, and I believe that this is a benefit in our lives.

Thanks for any advice!

solivagant 8 / 15 6  
Jun 7, 2019   #2
Hi @oneouran
If you think that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, it would be better to develop your opinion and give the reasons why you think international tourism is profitable instead of contrasting pros and cons in the main paragraphs.This will make your essay more organised.You don`t have to explain both opinions, because your answer is straight.
Maria - / 1,100 389  
Jun 8, 2019   #3
Hi there!

I partially agree with the previous comment that you should focus your writing more on your answered/responsive perception to the question posed. I say partially as I do not necessarily think that you should ultimately ditch the drawbacks of the situation - rather, you should balance your writing more to be biased towards your own response.

That being said, the surface-level of your essay appears to be put-together and well-written. I say this because you have managed to evade most of the commonplace issues in writing (punctuation, preposition usage, etc.). Still, I think that you need to focus more on creating integrated sentences that'll help you curate complex and yet simplified essays. Applying these techniques will help you in the long-run when it comes to establishing more meaning compressed into smaller chunks. If you can fulfill this, you'll have more excess space to add depth to your essay.

Let's revise a small portion of your essay to demonstrate what these mean.

In spite of these above arguments, I still ...
... economic growth, creating an influx of job opportunities and even ... than before. ... near a tourist attractions mainly depend on travellers to survive for income, and also ... to visitors; this also is a source of work for tour guides and related services.. Moreover, governments could not ... the world can also gain income through other countries' advertisements. As a result, ... evolution.

The last sentence is irrelevant and unnecessary in this light. Consider that you've already established this concluding remark in the initial portions, rendering it useless to be repeated. Rather, just focus on the concluding paragraph of your overall essay.

Best of luck as always.

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