Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Problems posed by cities population and measures that government may take


hieuhocnlp 1 / 1  
May 14, 2021   #1

People living in large cities have to face many problems in everyday life.


What are those problems? Should the government encourage people to move to regional towns?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Answer:

It is undeniable that people's life has now been improved a lot in comparison with the past, especially in the cities. This, however, comes with a price, the downside of it is the emergence of various problems faced by city residents. For this, some suggest that the government can resolve the problems by recommending people to live in regional towns, but is this a feasible solution?

It can be observed that city is a common choice for many companies to put their office, and this in turn causes the giant wave of people moving from rural areas to these employment hubs. Due to the large population in cities, problems have risen. The first very noticeable problem is the frequent traffic jams occurring in streets, especially at rush hours. As a result, people have to spend a substantial time of their day waiting in the streets, which wastes a lot of time. A second problem is the degradation of air quality in cities. The vast number of activities involving carbon dioxide emission, or any other gas emission in general, has contributed to the contamination of air in cities. Consequently, respiratory diseases are at extremely high rate among citizens in these areas.

Judging by the bad effects, though a lot of solutions have been proposed, I believe the best way is to make the distribution of people in these area sparser. With this argument, I agree with the proposal of governments making their people getting to live in other rural areas. Although upgrading traffic construction, equipping vehicles with optimal gas emission, etc. can potentially reduce the mentioned shortcomings, they cannot be completely removed. However, if reduction in the number of citizens in the area occur, obvious results can be achieved, no money will be spent on renovation of traffic systems nor production of modern vehicles. Besides, people can have chance to get better privacy in comparison to its shortage when many people live in a same area.

In conclusion, there are a lot of problems in large cities, and this can be thoroughly overcome if government take action to give terms to realize the migration of people from dense area to other sparse areas.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,568 4443  
May 15, 2021   #2
The essay is definitely too wordy and relies too much on repetitive prompt data rather than direct responses, opinions, and explanations. While you have presented the academic ideal of the discussion, this is not the type of format that allows for completion within 40 minutes with a focus on meeting specific scoring requirements. Be more precise, direct, and concise with your responses. There are direct questions to help provide the discussion path for your short essay, respond to it. Rhetorics have no use in the IELTS essay. There is no scoring component it can be applied to. It helps you melt the wordcount but does not add clarity or cokeane. transition sentences would have been more helpfuI towards your score overall. Just give swift 5 sentence responses per paragraph as quickly but clearly as you can. Relate one problem to the next for cohesion. While this is acceptable as an academic discussion in class, it is an overboard response for a task 2 essay.
OP hieuhocnlp 1 / 1  
May 15, 2021   #3
@Holt
As this is the first time I wrote a task 2 essay, I haven't studied much about how to give good answer to the questions. Your feedback definitely makes me understand more about what I lack of. Thank you so much for your comments, honestly it's the works you've been doing that help out a lot of language learners like me, and I am so grateful for that.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - Problems posed by cities population and measures that government may take