Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Problems and Solutions to the Increase in Number of Flights as a Result of Tourism (IELTS)

jasonhwang 1 / -  
Jul 10, 2017   #1
As the result of tourism and the increasing number of people travelling, there is an growing demand for more flights. What problem does this have on the environment? What measures could be taken to solve the problems?

Owing to the rise in number of travelers and tourists all over the world, more airplanes are providing service to meet the demand. This brings environmental problems like air pollution as well as over-exploitation of natural resources. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with the negative consequences.

Firstly, the air quality will seriously be affected due to the pollutants emitted when the airplanes are flying. For instance, carbon dioxide will be released when the fuel oil is burnt to produce energy, which the amount given out is much higher than other transportations. Secondly, more natural resources will be extracted, which, when too much are taken away to provide crude oil for fuels, will result in resources becoming unsustainable. Obviously, this brings disadvantages to the environment.

There are two effective key to the problem brought by the increase in number of flights. One way to tackle this is to tax short-distance travelers heavier as the gas emission charge. By doing this, the number of people travelling around by flight can be reduced, and people may be encouraged to choose other alternatives with lower emissions. Another method of dealing with the rise in number of flights is to ensure most planes are fully seated, since this can boost the energy efficacy - to provide service to most number of passengers using the same amount of energy. This solution would hopefully maximize the efficiency of an airplane.

In conclusion, adjusting the taxation to a higher level and ensuring a well seating arrangement are effective in coping with this issue. If government implemented these measures, the environmental problems resulted would soon be solved.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,723 3065  
Jul 10, 2017   #2
Jason, avoid beginning your discussion of the given topic in the opening statement. That is because the opening statement is being used to judge the task accuracy aspect of your English skills. That is why you are only required to properly paraphrase the prompt and outline your upcoming discussion this paragraph. The main purpose of the opening statement is to prove to the examiner that you have a complete understanding of the given topic and the discussion method that is being required of you. The line of reasoning that you gave in your body paragraphs are excellent. You have managed to properly represent the discussion of the problems and possible solutions related to the increased number of flights. Your conclusion should have given a more definite repetition, in paraphrased form of the topic for discussion. By doing that, the minimum sentence requirement of 3 sentences would have been met. Other than these problems, your ability to properly discuss a given topic is clear in this exercise.
DoctorWho - / 45 28  
Jul 10, 2017   #3
Hello Jason!

I would just like to point out a few corrections.

In the first paragraph, just start with the introduction of the topic. Focus mainly on the rising demands for flights and don't start the solutions yet.

Your introduction could be made more interesting rather than simply stating facts.

A suggestion for the Intro : During the turn of the century, owing to the rise of travelers and tourists all over the world, more airplanes are providing service to meet the demand. A seemingly harmless solution to an increasing demand may have such dire consequences that effect not only us but future generations as well. The brunt of this action will be on the environment causing pollution as well as over exploitation of natural resources.

Your subsequent content and solutions are well written.

Good Luck! :)
huongtienganh - / 1  
Jul 11, 2017   #4
I think that your essay is really good and I love reading it. However, as far as I know about grammar , I think there are just three mistakes in this essay like:

... burnt to produce energy, the amount of which given out is much ...
..., which, when too many are taken away to ...

because too many are, but too much is
There are two effective keys to the problem brought ...

I hope I can help you a bit to perfect your essay.
Good luck!

Home / Writing Feedback / Problems and Solutions to the Increase in Number of Flights as a Result of Tourism (IELTS)