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IELTS- Problems with students behaviour


woodfish 2 / 2 1  
Nov 4, 2013   #1
There are more problems with students' behaviour in many countries. What are the causes and what are your solutions?

Students behavorial issues have increasingly drew public attention and worried both their families and schools. In my opinion, there are many factors contributing to this phynomenon, such as parenting style and influence of public media.

The upbringing might be responsible for indiscipline action. Due to the fast pace of life, tired up with living, parents cannot spend adequate time with their children, thereby spoilling them to make up with love and care. Consequently, children who have whatever they want may grow up without consideration of others and without conception of livings. Then when they are in school, they are highly likely to be of low self-control or poor discipline. For example, they may have less respect for their teachers and refuse to obey school rules.

On the other hand, public media has a profound impact on student behaviour. In fact, students are vulnerable to be exposed to excessive mount of violent content. Without proper supervision from their parents, they might influenced which lead to increasing possibility of aggressive behaviours or other related issues, such as bulling younger students, skipping school

Perhaps parenting classes are required in terms of acquiring correct parenting techniques and skills. At the mean time, proper government censor mechanism are supposed to be introduced to reduce the frequency and volume of violent and sexual content on public media.

To sum up, in order to combat this particular issue, concerted efforts should be made from not only an individual family, but also the society as a whole.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Nov 5, 2013   #2
drew public attention

drew -> drawn

indiscipline action

undisciplined behaviour

they might influenced

they might be influenced by televised violence

bulling younger students, skipping school

bullying younger students and skipping school.

mechanism

mechanisms
I think the third body paragraph needs some supporting sentences. Anyway, you have very good writing skill and hope you''ll get a high score in the real test :)
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 6, 2013   #3
The upbringing might be responsible for indiscipline action.

The upbringing of children is very important for preventing children from in-disciplinary actions.

Due to the fast pace of life, tired up with living, parents cannot spend adequate time with their children, thereby spoilling them to make up with love and care

.... the first part flows well with a meaningful idea, but the second part tends to confuse the reader. It is not clearly conveyed.

Then when they are in school, they are highly likely to be of low self-control or poor discipline.

This causes them to develop selfishness, poor discipline and arrogance.
It is always better to give more specific examples. You could have cited shooting cases that took place in schools recently.


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