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The process of air circulation which goes in and out in through several ventilation holes in house


SarlindaDS_27 42 / 52 5  
Nov 2, 2016   #1
Writing Task I (Page 35 Unit 5D)

The diagram shows the processes of air circulation which out and in across of several ways of the house. Overall devices of the process in releases heat temperatures of house made by the conventional method or non-electric usage for cooling down the heating temperature where only by several ventilations, and it was designed on the top and every part in houses for makes air easily circulates with fresh air from outside into the houses with balanced compositions.

Based on the picture, we can show the house had been complete with almost seven ways of air ventilations have been placed on the top of house side and in each bottom corners and also from the underground of the house. Some fan vents have been placed on the nearby of the recessed lights or in rooms that easily to be heated such as in the kitchen and in the wash machine rooms. However, there are three big windows apart of ventilations that surely faster to replace heat atmosphere inside of the house.

(173 words)




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 2, 2016   #2
Hi Sarlinda,
Here's my analysis towards your report summary of IELTS task 1. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph:
- ... the processes of air circulation which goesout and inin and outacross of several waysthrough several ventilation holesofin the house.

- Overall devices ..... compositions. (This sentence is TOO LONG. Try to avoid making long-but-inaccurate sentence. This often leads to a sentence which has confusing structure. It will be dangerous towards your grammatical range and accuracy score)

It should be like this:
- Overall, it can be seen thatdevices of the process in releasesof releasing heat temperatures ofin the house madeis caused by the conventional method (...) by several ventilations. (stop here. New sentence)

- andIt was designed on the top andevery partof all partsin housesin the house for makesmaking the air easily circulates (...) into the houseshouse with balanced compositions.

Hope this helps :)
WasishaSisha 16 / 20  
Nov 2, 2016   #3
Hi SarlindaDS,

here's my note:

- The diagram shows the process es of air circulation

- Overall, (comma) devices of the ...

your compound sentence is too long
- Overall devices of the process in ...

- we can show the house had been complete with almost seven --->if you want to utilize past participle, you should write "had+verb3".
nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Nov 4, 2016   #4
Hello Sarlinda!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

1. Paragraphing
Your task will get better if you make the parts is clear
For example:
Paragraph 1 -> Introduction+ Overview
Paragraph 2 -> Body 1
Paragraph 3 -> Body 2


2. Please kindly check my suggestion below for your sentence
..., we can show that the house had (...) of air ventilations which have been placed on ...

Hope it helps you :)


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