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Writing IELTS Task 1 : Process of Chocolate


ayyubjbr 2 / 1  
Oct 19, 2018   #1
Hello guys, I need your feedback in term of writing task 1 (Task Achievement, Lexical Resources, Cohesion and Coherence, Grammatical and Accuracy)

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Question :The illustration show how chocolate is produced.

The pictures explain the process of manufacturing chocolate. In general, the production of chocolate can be divided into two stages. The first is manual process which usually use a farmer skill and secondly processed by machine and tool. All of process have 10 stages from growing up to producing liquid chocolate.

The first phase consist of five steps which are done manually. Starting from cacao tree selecting to the pods harvesting. After that, farmer gets white cocoa beans from the pods. Next stages, cacao beans must be fermented and spread in the sun to dry. The last step for manual process is to put all of cacao beans and package in sacks.

Final phase move to process by machine and tool. After cacao beans ready to package, it is times to bring the sacks to the factory for next step. Roasting machine ha first step to roast the beans until 350 degree. Following this the beans crushed and outer shell removed. Eventually, bean enter to inner part for the result liquid chocolate produced.




Rudi Nirwantono - / 1  
Oct 19, 2018   #2
3th sentese:
The first is manual process which usually use(s) a farmer skill and secondly processed by machine and tool --> both of them are not in parallel manner. You're able to start by using "Starting by/Initiating by ....."). Blue = subject verb agreement (plural & singular)

Suggestion:
The first is manual process which usually use a depending on (reduction come from which depends on) farmer skill and secondly the second is processed by machine and tool machinery processing.

4th sentence:
All of process the processes have 10 stages from growing up to producing liquid chocolate


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