Writing task 1 (IELTS). Process of coffee manufacturing

The diagram illustrates the process of coffee manufacture and preparation for sale on the market.
Overall, it is clear that there are eleven stages involved in the production of coffee. The process begins with picking up the coffee beans and ends at the packing stage.

As can be seen from the diagram in detail, at the first step, coffee beans must be picked up in the fields before being dried under the sun. These beans are then roasted, cooled and put into a grinding machine which turns these beans into coffee granules.

At the sixth stage of the process, small coffee pieces are mixed with hot water and the resulting mixture are strained. In the following step, the mixture is frozen and passed through the grinder. Subsequently, a vacuum has a responsible this frozen liquid so that the water evaporates, leaving the coffee granules. The final step is packing these grains into jars for delivery to consumers.

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hot water,

areis strained.

*These beans are then roasted, cooled and put into a grinding machine which turns these beans into coffee granules. ----> them
I think this can be replaced to avoid repetition.

Giang, each paragraph must be composed of 3-5 sentences in order to meet the requirements of the C&C section of the essay. Your second paragraph falls short of the required number of sentences. When you write an analytical essay. Do not go for the shortcut of using commas in order to explain the procedure. Use periods instead and present the process as complete sentences within a paragraph. This will allow you a better opportunity to show off your English vocabulary and your ability to express yourself better in complete thought processes.

As for the first paragraph, you need to better develop the cohesiveness of those sentences as well. Do not write the overview in an independent sentence presentation format. Make sure that you show off your ability to develop a proper, analytical, discussion outline, in relation to the diagram provided. Make sure to summarize the steps that are involved in the essay in the opening statement as well. Just mention the number of steps involved, not the actual procedure yet. All the opening summary has to do for you is provide the short version of the body of paragraphs. The detailed explanation should follow the format of the procedure outline you created in the opening statement.

Finally, please refrain from making references to procedures that do not exist in the diagram you were provided. That means that because the last image you were given relates to the jarring process of the coffee, you need not say that it was done for sale in the market. There is nothing in the diagram that implied such a thing. Therefore, you will be making false assumptions and you will confuse the examiner who may end up wondering where in the diagram did the market selling come into the picture. You will lose points for making up information in the essay. An analytical essay of this sort is very precise. It does not have room for false assumptions as you made in your essay.

In my opinion, the last image could be implied like this: " The process finishes by packing and labeling these powder into jars "

Hello giang,

I think you can add the reason for any step :
For example, Coffee beans dried under the sun to preserve
These beans are then roasted to get a good smell,...

I hope it can help you,

Minh Phuc