Home / Writing Feedback   ✓ % width Posts: 3

# The process of finding English and French Language Educators in Ontario

yurikeyuri 43 / 61 2
Nov 29, 2016   #1
Percentage of first-year teachers with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation

The graph illustrates about the percentage of the process finding English and French Language Educator in Ontario each year of graduation between 2001 and 2007. Overall, the recruitment process of French-language teachers is bigger than English-language teachers, and also the French-language teachers show the up trend of the line graph, it means the line graph of English-language teachers shows the opposite. However, two line graphs have the same amount of starting point.

Firstly, the line graph of English-language teachers has starting point about 70 percent in 2001, the fall dramatically in two next years. For two next years again, the graph slightly increases and have the peak at between 40 percent and 50 percent in 2005. Finally, the line decreases again and has the smallest percentage at below 30 percent in 2007.

Secondly, the another line graph is French-language teachers has the same starting point in 2001 about 70 percent, then the line decreases by almost 20 percent in 2002 and also it is the smallest percentage of this graph. However, the line graph increases again in one next year, then it has the slight increase between 2003 and 2005, but the line graph decreases at below 70 percent and finally the line increases again and it means that it has the highest percentage at over 70 percent in 2007.

Dioba 68 / 104 7
Nov 30, 2016   #2
Hi, there are several mistakes i found in your summary.

1.he graph(what types of graph? bar, line, pie?) illustrates about the percentage ...
2. the French-language teachers showed the upward trend of the line graph
3. ...trend of the line graph, it means while( conjunction to make contrast something) the line graph...
4. Too many repetitions in your summary talk about the line graph.
5.You have a problem with tenses. you should be explain in past tenses (exception introduction sentence)
6. It looks like monotone if you are always represent the amount with the number. try to use paraphrase the number ( ex: 25% = a quarter, 70% = seven-ten, 50% = a half)

Keep writing and break a leg!
mem77 62 / 98 6
Dec 1, 2016   #3
Dear Yurike, here some advice for your writing and feel free to correct me too!

... French-language teachers iswas bigger than English-language teachers,...

... teachers showed the up trend ofin the line graph,...

...it means that the line graph (...) teachers showsshowed the opposite proportion.

...two line graphs havehad the same amount ofin the starting point.

...theand itfallfell dramatically in two next years.

...the graph increased slightly increases and have thereached its peak at...

...the line decreasesdecreased again and hashad the smallest percentage at...

...French-language teachers whichhashad the same startingstarted point in 2001 about 70 percent,...

...then the line decreasesdecreased by almost (...) and also it iswas the smallest ...

However, the line graph increasesincreased again in one next year, then it hashadthea slight increase ...

Regards

 Home / Writing Feedback / The process of finding English and French Language Educators in Ontario