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Task 1: The process of milk making on some dairy products such as cheese, cream, butter and milk


Mimi07 9 / 15 2  
Apr 17, 2016   #1
The process of milk making on some dairy products such as cheese, cream, butter and milk is showed in the diagram. Although the first five stages are similar for both products, it reveals that the process of making differs in the final stage which can be consume be many kind of product.

First, the cows graze in the field and hoped can produce much milk. After that, the cows go to the milking machine twice a day to be milk. Of course after that the cows return to the field. Then, the milk is stored in refrigerator. Following this, the milk is delivered every day to dairy in order to have further process. This is where the process diverges. The milk is sterilized and stored into the bottles. Having been packed, the bottle of milk are then labled and it can delivered to many shops. Then, the milk is ready to sale in supermarket and shops. Turning to other product by different stage it can also be prosessed in dairy and be another product and ready to consumption like cheese, cream, and butter.

wahyu 16 / 28 1  
Apr 17, 2016   #2
What app Mimi, please give the picture, i have suggestions to your introduction paragraph.

you could use this pattern :
1. Reserve some of the information, paraphrase and use some synonyms.
2. Overview the information

I hope that my suggestions help.

The process of milk making on some dairy products such ...

The picture depicts the process of making milk which have some process starting cheese to milk. Overall, it can be seen that although the first five stages are similar for both products, while the process of making differs in the final stage which can be consume be many kind of product.
tria25 12 / 19 4  
Apr 17, 2016   #3
Hi Mimi,
I would like to give you some advices, and hope these will be helpful for you IELTS writing enhancement.

Firstly, you should post the process diagram of your writing to help the reader analyze it clearly.

First, ---> firstly

The cows graze in the field and hoped can produce much milk.

This is where the process divergesprocess

Turning to other product bywith the different stage, it can also be prosessed
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 778 309  
Apr 17, 2016   #4
Mimi, I have no idea what is wrong with this essay, but I feel difficult to understand your essay completely. I think it is because you forgot to upload the image so I couldn't give you a detailed corrections towards your errors and mistakes. So, next time do not even forget to upload the image, despite it will make us difficult, I am afraid that the moderator in this forum will suspend you for posting an unclear post like this. Now, for some corrections about your grammatical issues, with corrections applied.

- ......which can be consumeconsumedbeby many kind of product (it is still a confusing sentence even though I've corrected it, since you didn't show us the picture)

- the bottlebottles of milk are then labledlabelled ...
- it can be delivered to many shops.
- the milk is ready to besalesold in supermarket...
- Turning to other productproducts by different stage, it... (comma needed)
- ...can also be prosessedprocessedin dairydaily
- ready to consumptionbe consumed like cheese...

I hope my insight towards your essay is helpful enough to improve your writing. I would like to remind you once again, picture is essential in IELTS writing task 1.
OP Mimi07 9 / 15 2  
May 1, 2016   #5
Hi wahyu, tria, and ichan thank you for your sugeestions, please give me some suggestions for my new essays to improve my writing skill :)


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