Topic :
The diagrams below show two methods of using water to produce electricity. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The diagrams show how electricity can be made from water by using two methods : hydroelectric dam and wave air generator. Both of methods have same devices like turbine, spindle and generators. However, wave air generator is more simple than hydroelectric dam.
First, hydroelectric dam consists of gate, resevoir, penstock, turbine, spindle and generator. The process begins when the gate is opened, and the amount of water come into penstock. The quickness of water flow is depending on the width and the angle of the penstock. Fastly, the water head to the generator and twist the turbine and spindle. As the tools rotate, the generator starting to produce electric power and distributed by power lines.
Second, wave air generator consists of chambers, turbine, spindle and generator. The procedure activates when the waves go trough the first chamber and get into the second chamber where locate in the upper floor. In this area, the waves bend the spindle and push the generator to create electricity.
Both of methods have same devices like turbine, spindle and generators. However, wave air generator is more simple than hydroelectric dam.
Hi Atikah, the detailed descriptions below are my analysis towards your essay.
1st paragraph:
- ... electricity can be madegenerated(inappropriate collocation, electricity is not something that we can made, but we can generate) from water by using two methods: .... (no space needed before a colon)
- Both of methods have same devices ...
- However, wave air generator is more simplesimpler than hydroelectric dam.
2nd paragraph:
- First, hydroelectric dam consists of gate, resevoirreservoir , pen-stock , turbine, spindle, and generator.
- ...and the amount of water comeflows into pen-stock .
- The quicknessspeed of water flow is dependingdepends on the width and ...
- Fastly,Then, the water head to the generator quickly and twist the turbine and spindle.
- AsWhen the tools rotate, the generator startingstarts to produce electric power and it is distributed by power lines.
As you can see Atikah, your essay still needs some modifications in terms of grammatical range and accuracy. Be more careful in the next practice by considering the above-mentioned feedback. You can also keep practicing by proofreading the rest of your essay. I hope this helps :)
The process beginsis begun when the gate is opened
amount of water come into run into penstock
The quickness of water flowis depending
water velocitydepends
the water head to the generator and twist the turbine and spindle in the generator
wave- air generator
... when the waves go troughpour into the first chamber
Hi Dinartika, let me you a hand, this is my correction
1. The second, ( the Ordinal number such first, second, third using prefix 'the' . ex: the first gate; and cardinal number such one, two, without 'the' ex: The gate two.
2. The This procedure is activatedusing passive sentence
... the second chamber where located in the upper floor.
3. Both of methods have sameSimiliar devices like turbine, ...
I hope it is helpful.. Please recheck it again ...
Keep writing :)
