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IELTS Essay: Professional like doctors and teachers should be paid higher than other professionals

faisal_husein 1 / -  
Apr 2, 2018   #1
Professional like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution and should be paid more than sport and entertainment professionals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

wage for health workers and teachers

People have different views about how professional should be valued. They believe that health workers and educators should get more salary than sportsmen and entertainer. I completely agree with this statement because professionals like doctors and teachers give an important role to nation.

It is true that athlete and actor professionals earn enormous salary that other professionals. For example, Cristiono Ronaldo which is a football player in Real Madrid Football Club is paid £ 360.000 each weak. In fact, he just do a simple work that is kicking ball to make goals. It is obvious that sports and entertainments entertain us. However, we could happily live without them because they do not give us vital services like health professionals and teacher doing.

On the other hand, doctors, nurses and teachers are paid lower salary than other professional like sport. In particular, doctors and teachers play an important role in our society. Perhaps we cannot live at the good condition without their aid. For instance, when the Ebola virus which had killed more than thousands of people infected people in Guinea in 2015, the heroes were health workers such as doctors and nurses because of their dedication to take care and save the of Africa continent. And their dedication also have eradicated the Ebola virus. Furthermore, teachers also provide enormous service to the society. In August 1945, when Japan lost in World War II, they particularly did not call on athletes and actor to rebuild their nation, but Japanese collected teachers to train young generations to build their nation. Of this history, we can see that teachers have brought Japan to become one of the industrialized countries in the world.

In conclusion, giving a higher wage to health workers and teachers than other profession are as our respect to them because of their vital service.
Aid1 2 / 4  
Apr 3, 2018   #2
I like your essay but here is few mistakes that I noticed or I would said differently.
...more salary...
...higher salary...

... a nation....

It is true that athlete and actor ...
...an athlete (or athletes) and acting professionals.....
....than other.....

... Cristiano Ronaldo, who is....(instead which is)

...professionals and teacher doing.

On the other hand, doctors, nurses and ... ( this sentence needs some agreement) .... salaries, or you can say that they are paid less than other professionals like in sports.

... and teachers than other profession ...
....then other professionals...(should be)
But what other professionals are you talking about, an engineer or lowyer? You should be specific.
...than entertainment professionals...or entertainers.

I hope this will be helpful.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,026 4247  
Apr 6, 2018   #3
Faisal, you need to always present a 5 paragraph essay in the task 2 test. That means, the presentation needs the following format:

1. Opening paraphrase
2. Reason 1
3. Reason 2
4. Example / supporting evidence
5. Summary conclusion

The mistake of your essay is that you tried to discuss various topics in limited paragraphs. Since each paragraph is limited to 5 sentences, with a 3 sentence minimum, that is impossible to do. That is why you are allowed 3 paragraphs within which you present your supporting discussion. When you present an essay such as this, you will be scored down for the missing paragraphs or, and this is where the most damage is done in the scoring, you will get a failing score for the C&C section due to the under developed reasoning and discussion presentations in your paragraphs. Multiple topics per paragraph always result in lower C&C and GRA scores. Always stick to one topic per paragraph in order to increase your scoring opportunities.

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