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Professional sportsmen have become very popular and their salaries are a lot of money.

KCN 1 / -  
Dec 6, 2017   #1
Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sports people are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

sport stars are making a fortune

Sport events such as football liga and other sport competitions are enjoyable to be watched by viewers and spectators. Professional sportsmen have become very popular and their salaries are a lot of money.

Some people think that professional players earn too much when their huge salaries are compared with scientists or researchers who are responsible for important factors. However, sports professionals are paid by their ticket sale of games and professionals have different salaries due to their performance.

Most people who argue that their salaries are justified consider that successful professionals are very few, and the high salaries are realisation of their skills and success. Career of professionals can last for a short period. There are a lot of sportsmen compared to successful professionals. It needs a lot of skills and time to become a talented sportsman.

I think that huge salaries are deserved by professional players. Their performance which requires hard work gives more motivation to spectators and viewers. There is a saying "No pain, No gain". They work very hard in order to achieve good results. For instance, My hero is Lionel Messi who is the famous player. He faced many difficulties in his life. He had a groth hormone deficiency. But short players are not allowed to football at all. He defeated his disease because of his trust of becoming professional. I think that these type of people deserve to earn a high salary.

In conclusion, I think spending much money for sport stars makes value on the sport and motivate people to be a sportsman or enjoy watching sporting events.

sbina 2 / 5  
Dec 6, 2017   #2

Your essay have a critical issue to answer the question. The question said that you must require to discuss both that views. however after I see your essay, that essay only describe your opinion about the prefessional athlete who pays high salary. You should full understanding about the question. If you are still do this you will loose your mark drastically due to limited to describe the task achievement.

My suggestion for you is to ensure what really task needs. If the question required you to discuss both the view, than you must mention another view at least in one paragraph. I have the same problem with you, so good luck and keep trying.
Holt [Contributor] - / 6,898 1718  
Dec 6, 2017   #3
KCN, the essay that you wrote will score no higher than a 3 in an actual setting because it did not capably discuss any part of the task. The TA section was not only faulty, it would have scored only a 2 at the most because it barely responded to the task. Your prompt paraphrase is non-existent in the sense that you chose to discuss the essay immediately and you only presented 2 sentences. The inaccuracy of the TA is what greatly reduced the chances of this essay to gain a passing mark. Your opening paraphrase should always be no less than 3 sentences. The proper paraphrase is:

It is commonly believed that major athletes are paid too much. The common belief is countered by others who are of the opinion that the wages these skilled sportspersons are paid is only commensurate to the task. I will be analyzing both points of view in this essay. After that, I shall discuss my own point of view regarding the topic.

Your paraphrase lacks a representation of the topic for discussion, the pov's presented, and how this is to be discussed. Without that representation, your TA will always fail.

The second paragraph would have passed for a first opinion topic discussion if you had only indicated it as such and also expanded the discussion by at least 3 more sentences in order to better explain this point of view.

The third paragraph, suffers from the same situation. Only this time, you under developed the discussion and as such, did not really offer an insightful explanation of the 2nd opinion on the matter.

In your opinion. You should have not use the connecting word "But" to start your sentence because this is an academic paper, therefore, the use of connecting words as a sentence starter is unacceptable. That is only allowed in informal, non-academic writing.

The conclusion is also faulty because you continued a not very well developed discussion of an additional point of view. The concluding paragraph must not to that. The concluding paragraph just summarizes the presented discussion. Since that is not what you did, your essay in fact, does not have a concluding statement and will be scored less because of it.
sfiza 17 / 30  
Dec 8, 2017   #4

in this essay, introduction is not able to present full prompt. please focus on how to paraphrase that is a important part of essay in scoring band.

one think remember when you write either a introduction or conclusion, each paragraph consists of at least 3 sentences. you need to break down your sentences into short.

more and more reading help you to write a good essay. just read and notice how a essay develop.

hope it help you

keep writing :)

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