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TOEFL:Progress in civilization is always goog

lyqinyi 3 / 6  
Oct 17, 2009   #1
Topic: Progress in civilization is always good.

The civilization's progress is often the target of many countries or even many people. In the eye's of plenty of human beings', only the progress can provide us a more comfortable life. However, is it really always the truth? In my opinion, even though the positive effect of the progress in civilization can not be ignored, it is not always good.

First of all, I admit that the improvement of civilization can do a favor for human beings. Thanks to the development of technology, people's lives become more convenient. For example, it becomes possible that one person can travel to every corner in the world in just one day. Also, people can communicated with friends or even have meetings through the internet. What's more, since the civilization has improved, more people are well educated. And as a result, more inventions will be created, and the progress will get into a positive cycle. In one word, the benefit we obtain from the progress of civilization worth being taken seriously.

However, the progress is not always good. Due to the improvement of civilization, old traditions and cultures have been forgotten by modern people. In recent years, though many festivals are still celebrated, fewer and fewer people know what they are celebrating for, and the festival is more like just an excuse for friends or families to gather together than a moment to commemorate something really special. The loss also happens in the area of literature. For example, even though we know Shari Speer's prose and novels are excellent, very few people is still trying to imitate or have a research on them. Thus, the progress in civilization causes the loss of many traditional treasures that should be protected, even though the new ones are also of great value.

In the other respect, the life was more beautiful in the past when the civilization was not better improvement. For instance, before the progress, the nature was free of any damages, no creature was in danger, and the ecosystem was fine. What's more, as the progress of civilization makes our lives of great convenience, it also does a favor to the criminals. The rate of crime continues increasing. In another respect, since more people are getting well education, fewer people with little knowledge may feel being expelled out the whole society. And as a result, some of these people might become more sensitive and fussy, and the security of the whole society would be threatened when someone else stimulated them. Therefore, since such problems still exist, we can not assume that the progress in civilization is always good.

In summary, everything has its two folds. Granted that the progress in civilization can make our lives more comfortable, the negative effect of the improvement is still worthy of highly attention.

yin 12 / 38  
Oct 17, 2009   #2
Dear Quin yi,
In my own opinion, your essay is well - done. Maybe you invested a lot in your work ^^
Your ideas are various and they force the readers to be curious to read your essay till the end.
However, as far as I know, TOEFL essays just focus on how well you use structure, grammar (you have done well on this aspect) and if you want to win high scores, you should follow its template although how much you wanna express all your ideas.

For example, the second paragraph is not necessary in this case. In stead, you should invest more in the last para. so that it has the balance between the intro, body, and conclusion.

Those are some of my modest ideas.
Hope it help.
Good luck :)

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