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IELTS - Prolonged incarceration or... Discuss both views and give your opinion.

sgyyan38 1 / 2  
Apr 7, 2019   #1

Longer imprisonment to deter crime?

Some people believe that in order to reduce crimes, prisoners should be given longer prison sentences while some people think there are other alternative ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

My answer:
Crime is one of the main subjects of discussion among the public. There comes an argument that some people claim that prolong the period of serving prison is an efficient way to prevent crime. However, it is believed by others that there exist better solutions. In my opinion, we could promote other methods to reduce crime.

Admittedly, it is plausible that some people think putting criminals in prison for a long time could drop the crime rate. Prison is a good deterrent for criminals. The limitation of freedom leads to the fear of breaking laws among people. In this situation, offenders may choose to stop committing a crime because of this tough punishment. For example, when thieves know that the penalty would be a long period sentence in prison, they might think twice before committing a crime in community. Thus, this makes it clear that giving criminals a longer prison sentences could decrease the crime rate.

Although the above statement is acceptable, others still believe that different effective ways could be applied to reduce crime, and I hold this view as well. For example, reoffending is a serious issue that leads to an increasing prisoner number. Thus, reducing the number of people who return to prison by giving them a rehabilitation would be a solution to drop the crime rate. For instance, some countries require offenders to repay their community by cleaning streets or having a talk with school groups after receiving vocational training. In this situation, the probability of reoffending would be decreased and the crime rate could be controlled.

In conclusion, setting a long period of prison sentences is an acceptable method to deter crime. However, I think there still have other ways, such as rehabilitation. In the future, governments need to find various methods to tackle the crime problem.
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Apr 7, 2019   #2
I appreciate the structure of your essay because it is simplified.Keep that up. Because of this, I'd like to focus more on the content rather than the composition/structure of your essay.I have a few recommendations in mind.

I would suggest that you include more bold facts and statistics in your essay. While it does not have to be strictly based off of a data sheet, mentioning rough estimations can greatly contribute to your essay's overall substance. You could place this, for instance, after mentioning how longer prison sentences deter people. Make mention of a specific case wherein this has been proven to be true. If you do this, it can strengthen the arguments that you have.

You could apply this as well to your third paragraph. You mentioned that there are countries that have this specific requirement for offenders. State specifically which countries these are to make your essay more contextualized.

You might as well also be more descriptive with your essay. Say, for instance, because rehabilitation comes in many forms, you could be more specific with what you envision this to be.

It can also help if the entirety of your essay would be more based on a single case study - a country perhaps - to create a more in-depth approach to the question.

Best of luck.
tcl1120 9 / 27  
Apr 8, 2019   #3
recommend you to incorporate some facts and data as your example instead of just a statement.

Good approach to adopt range of lexicon. Cheers.
OP sgyyan38 1 / 2  
Apr 8, 2019   #4
Thank you, Maria.That's really helpful.@Maria

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