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The prons and cons of the Internet


Hassan94 1 / 1  
May 3, 2014   #1
The internet has been one of the greatest inventions which humans have come up with so far,and as other innovations,the Net has its pros as well as its cons.

Thanks to the internet,the world has become as a small village,nowadays,you can get in touch with people all around the world and even in the most remote areas,speak and even see them provided that they have a webcam.Another feature is this invention has faciliated a great deal of things,taking for instance the educative level. [..]
JangGemini 8 / 51 12  
May 3, 2014   #2
The internet has been one of the greatest inventions which humans have come up with so far,and as other innovations,the Net has its pros as well as its cons.

Thanks to the internet,the world has become as a small village,nowadays,you can get in touch with people all around the world and even in the most remote areas,speak and even see them provided that they have a webcam.Another feature is this invention has faciliatedfaciliTated a great deal of things,taking . F or instance the educative level. Students in particular no longer have to depend on their professors in everything. (stop here). T hey can simply resort toutilize ("resort to" means that you have no other choices so you have to use it) this invention and with a mouse click, they obtainare provided with hundreds or rather thousands of new pieces of information and only withinwithin only a few seconds.On the top of that these two above-mentioned advantages, there's another one which is making money onlineBesides educational and communicative value, the Internet can also help us financially . Making money online has become one of the most reliable and efficient factors for making profits.You can perform and achieve various operations in this virtual world and get paid for your effort at the end of the month as any other waged worker and without having to leave your own place. ( Domestically )

However,the Internet does have hazardousdetrimentalresultsimpacts on people's lives .Many people's life has been ruined by it . For instance, Net surfers, who wasted a great amount of their time on computer , are prone to end up in critical situations as they share some compromising pictures or infosinformationaboutof themselvesand . Because of this inconsiderate act,they get blackmailed for buying someones's silence(I'm sorry but...what does this mean?) . Another serious factconqequence is that individuals have become more isolated and less sociable,especially the young generation. (stop here)Nowadays, it is easy to find people whose eyes set on their laptops or cell phones or whateverwithout having a face-to-face conversation.and day by dayThey focus too much on social media and creating unrealistic relationships online that they eventually retreating into their shells. Seeing that the virtual world pales in comparison with what is really happening in the real and concrete life.They gradually lose the perception of the value of life.

All in all, I assert that the Net is a virtue that we have to take advantage of to a great extent,and a vice if we misuse itThis conclusion could have been written longer. Try to avoid one-sentence conclusion so as to get the best score.

I have noticed that you don't space after each comma or period. Make sure you do it next time to make your essay look nicer. Avoid rambling mistake and run-on sentence to make your point clearer. I hope this helps :) Good luck!
OP Hassan94 1 / 1  
May 4, 2014   #3
Thanks your for your modification.You've bettered it big time
fikri 5 / 317 71  
May 5, 2014   #4
also, you should put the task in the beginning, so the readers will know the type of your essay,
sush2 4 / 11 1  
May 5, 2014   #5
Apart from above suggestions, it would be great if you make your paragraphs almost equal in size.. :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
May 6, 2014   #6
,the world has become as a small village,nowadays,you can get in touch with people all around the world

This is called comma splice, occurring when you use a comma to join two complete sentences without placing an appropriate joining word between them.

A note to remember:
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Find and select your essay file on the "-Select Forum-" screen and click on "WRITING FEEDBACK".
On the screen that says "Subject - MUST be descriptive, original, and meaningful!", write IELTS/TOEFL/GRE, etc with the keywords (Max. 50 characters)

Finally, copy and paste your Essay into the Message box. You are asked to complete the full prompt with your essay.
Always make it a habit of including the prompt on top of your essay :)
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
May 9, 2014   #7
What is the purpose of this writing? Is it practicing for IELTS or TOEFL?


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